Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Non-Fat Yogurt (1993)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Maryedith : Well I hope you're happy.

  Jerry Seinfeld : What?

  Maryedith : Now every word out of my son's mouth is f

  [bleeped] 

  Maryedith : . You know what he said to me five minutes ago? Where's my F

  [bleeped] 

  Maryedith : ing cupcake?

• Jerry Seinfeld : Mary, we've been eating a lot of your husband's Yogurt lately does that have fat in it?

  Maryedith : No

  [bleep] 

  Maryedith : - ing way.

• Maryedith : You know Jerry?

  Matthew : Of course. He's a funny f

  [bleep] 

  Matthew : er!

  Jerry Seinfeld : Listen, Matthew, I wanna explain something to you. Now, cursing is not something most comedians do.

  Matthew : You did it!

  Jerry Seinfeld : That's truth but that was an accident, and I haven't done since and I would never do it again. And if you continuing cursing you'll never become a comedian like me when you grow up. Excuse me one second.

  Elaine Benes : [George and Elaine makes the okay sign to Jerry, then return to their talk]  You know Lloyd advises Dinkin in everything he does.

  George Costanza : Yeah... big adviser.

  Elaine Benes : He tells him what soap to use.

  Jerry Seinfeld : [Jerry sees Matthew destroying his tape]  What the f

  [bleep] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : k are you doing, you little piece of s

  [bleep] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : t?

• Jerry Seinfeld : [enjoying his ice-cream]  This is so f

  [bleep] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : ing good!

  Maryedith : [walking with her son]  Jerry!

  Jerry Seinfeld : Oh I'm sorry...

• [last lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : There's nothing more fun than cursing when you're a kid. I mean, it's like gettin' the keys to the car, isn't it? You're doin' something you're not supposed to do, and that's all you want. And there's nothing less fun than when you're an adult, and having to use those wholesome curses: "Fudge! Sugar! Consarnit!" What the hell is "consarnit," anyway? I mean, you've stubbed your toe, and you say, "Consarnit," you might as well say, "Yippee!" But if you've ever been to a foreign country, the first thing you learn are the curse words, right? Travel halfway around the world to experience some centuries-old exotic civilization, the first thing you ask is, "How do they say 'doodie' here?"

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : I had glasses when I was 10 years old. Anybody beat that? Anybody got 'em younger than that? Seven. Seven? Two? Anybody born with glasses? Come out... Actually come out of the birth canal and go, "That was a hell of a delivery, I'll tell you that. Can I clean these? Does anybody have one of those little cloths? I was just born. They're a little... Little smudgy."

• Elaine Benes : Three days he hasn't called me and you know why? Because he thinks I'm too fat.

  Jerry Seinfeld : He said that?

  Elaine Benes : No, but I saw the look on his face when he put his arm around me. And then we went to his apartment and I sat on one of his chairs and it broke.

• Elaine Benes : Que Rico!

  Jerry Seinfeld : Suave!