- comely young saleslady: [re wooden box] Now this was crafted by a very talented carver living in Arkansas. He used cedar wood. See the beautiful swell and fall of the lines?
- Capt. Harry Lipschitz: Those are beautiful lines there, Tom.
- Det. Sgt. Tom Ryan: Beautiful swell and fall.
- [not really looking at the box]
- Det. Sgt. Tom Ryan: So that would be used for pencils, earrings, what?
- comely young saleslady: Condoms!
- Capt. Harry Lipschitz: Excuse me?
- comely young saleslady: It's a condom container. It sits on your nightstand.
- Det. Sgt. Tom Ryan: [smiling at Harry:] And to think we didn't know what to get her.
- [chuckles, to saleslady,cocking his head at Harry:]
- Det. Sgt. Tom Ryan: He'll take two.
- Capt. Harry Lipschitz: [to saleslady] Uh, thank you very much for your help.
- [retreats]
- comely young saleslady: Oh, did I show you the little divider? It makes it so easy to separate your ribbed ones from your...
- Capt. Harry Lipschitz: No! Uh, bye-bye!
- [grabs Tom:]
- Capt. Harry Lipschitz: Come on, come on, come on...
- [steers him out]
- Det. Sgt. Cassandra 'Cassy' St. John: [chiding Tom for having bought her birthday gift at the last moment] It's gotta have something to do with that Y chromosome.
- Det. Sgt. Tom Ryan: Why must everything always have to be about sex with you?
- Det. Sgt. Tom Ryan: [to Cassy, who won't stop nagging him about that TV set he broke] You know, more and more I'm beginning to think that in a past life you were part of the Spanish Inquisition.