The Simpsons (TV Series)
A Tale of Two Springfields (2000)
Hank Azaria: Carl Carlson, Chief Wiggum, Moe Szyslak, Bumblebee Man, Apu, Professor Frink, Guard, Captain McAllister
Quotes
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Moe : Enough chit-chat, let's see how you like flaming garbage!
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Moe : Homer's right! We're gettin' the Joan Collins special!
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Homer : Loyal citizens of New Springfield, you stayed on my side of town despite a total lack of hospitals and schools, and a sewage nightmare that threatens to consume us all.
Carl : How do we get our food? All the roads are blocked.
Homer : Don't worry. We have plenty of supplies to get through tomorrow. And then a wave of disease should help to...
[seeing citizens starting to climb the wall to the other side]
Homer : Hey! Stop streaming over the wall! At least wait 'til l I'm through talking. Okay, now, as for food, the following breeds of dog are edible.
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Homer : I hate this new area code. Like I don't have enough to remember already.
[on his hand, he's written "Lenny=White" and "Carl=Black"]
Homer : Is that right? Don't you miss the old 636...
[checking his hand]
Homer : ...Carl?
Carl : I'm not sure which one's better. The six is closer to the three, so you got convenience there, but the nine has less to do with Satan, which is a plus in this religious world of ours.
Homer : What really burns me up is they didn't give us one word of warning.
Carl : What do you mean? They ran those TV commercials about it and that big radio campaign.
Lenny : Don't forget the leaflets they dropped from the space shuttle, and the two weeks we all spent at area code camp.
Homer : Not a single word of warning.
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Phony McRing-Ring : Hi, I'm Phony McRing-Ring, mascot and president of the telephone company, and I'm here to explain why the convenience of area code in...
[an automated voice dubs in "your town"]
Phony McRing-Ring : ...has been replaced by the convenience of two area codes.
Homer : Uh, I have a question, Phony.
Lisa Simpson : It's a movie, dad.
Homer : Quiet, honey, daddy's asking the man a question.
Phony McRing-Ring : You're probably thinking, "Sure, more area codes are great, and I don't mind paying the extra hidden fees, but how will I remember all those numbers?"
[opening a closet, refrigerator magnet-like numbers fall out]
Phony McRing-Ring : Whoa! Well, scientists have discovered that even monkeys can memorize ten numbers. Are you stupider than a monkey?
Chief Wiggum : Well, how big of a monkey?
Phony McRing-Ring : [laughing] Of course you're not.
Lenny : [the film ends] Well, I'm convinced. A professional-looking film like that has got to be right.
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Homer : You rich snobs aren't pushing us around anymore!
Kent Brockman : And what are you pathetic slobs going to do about it?
Homer : Well, I...
[trying to detonate his dynamite vest, nothing happens]
Homer : Huh?
[trying a few more times]
Homer : Oh, nice wiring, Bart.
Bart : It worked on the test corpse.
Homer : Okay, plan B. Fellow 939-ers, I saw we break off and form our own city!
Bumblebee Man : [with a cheer, they follow Homer out] Viva la revolucion!
Homer : Now who's stupid?
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Homer : [painting a "Welcome to New Springfield" sign] There, we're officially a city. Now we just sit back and wait for an NFL franchise.
Arizona Cardinals representative : [approaching] Say, I couldn't help but overhear. I represent the Arizona Cardinals...
Homer : Keep walking.
Moe : Good decision there, Homer. You showed a lot of poise.
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Apu : All right, root beer, bananas, and toilet paper. 50% out-of-towners' tax.
Marge Simpson : Out-of-towner tax?
Apu : I'm sorry, Mrs. Simpson, but we have to charge you foreign devils more.
Marge Simpson : All right, but this better be the best toilet paper I've ever had.
Apu : Oh, no worries there. That's Henderson's toilet paper.
Marge Simpson : [squeezing it, impressed] Ooh, why didn't you say so? Hey, is there a bathroom here?
Apu : Not for you.
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Lindsey Naegle : [at a town hall meeting] I know that some of you are upset about the area code change, especially those of you covered with dynamite.
[from his seat, Homer nods]
Lindsey Naegle : First, let me reassure you your fears are groundless and your complaints, moronic.
Moe : [murmuring from the townsfolk] That's good.
Lindsey Naegle : [a screen lowers] This film will explain everything to you in words that you can understand.
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Guard : Oh, so you wanna see the Who, huh? Well, I'll take you to the Who.
[throwing Bart and Homer into the band's hotel room]
Guard : Here's your Who!
Roger Daltrey : I thought we fired that guard.
Guard : [sarcastic] Oh, yeah, right. I got fired by the Who. Whatever you say, pal.
[whistling and doing the "crazy" hand gesture at his temple]
Guard : Wacko.
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Principal Skinner : It's not like the Who to be tardy. I'm worried.
Edna Krabappel : [hearing music in the distance] What's that?
Captain McAllister : [looking outside with a sextant] Argh! 'Tis the Who! By my reckoning, they're in the scurvy depths of New Springfield!
Moe : Homer stole our rock performance. That fat, dumb, and bald guy sure plays some real hardball.
Sideshow Mel : Who's ready to riot?