The Simpsons (TV Series)

Little Girl in the Big Ten (2002)

Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson

Quotes 

• Homer : [Lisa wakes up after passing out]  Are you okay, Lisa?

  Lisa : I'm more than okay. Ich bin ein gymnast!

  Homer : Aw, she must have dreamt about Hitler again.

• [In order to go to College, Lisa convinced two College girls that her house is an off-campus dorm] 

  Tina : Hey, Lisa. Where've you been?

  Lisa : In heaven.

  Carrie : I love her. She's such a free spirit.

  Tina : She has to be, where she lives. That place had a Manson Family vibe...

• Carrie : Need a ride back to campus?

  Lisa : Campus?

  [seeing the bumper sticker and parking decal on their car] 

  Lisa : You guys are college students!

  Carrie : Yeah, but with our small gymnast bodies, everyone always thinks we're way younger.

  Tina : Aren't you in college?

  Lisa : [covering]  Um... of course. Where do you think I go, baby school?

• Robert Pinsky : So, I'm walking by the Oval Office, and I hear the president, "Pinsky, where's my poem?" Well, I thought it wasn't due 'til Tuesday, so I make one up. I am just pulling stuff out of my ass, and when I'm done, the president says, "Pinsky, you've done it again." Ka-ching!

  Lisa : [thinking with a gasp]  Oh, my God! My social studies project is due tomorrow morning.

  Robert Pinsky : [she runs out]  Did she put in for the pizza?

• [after staying up all night to finish a school project, Lisa falls asleep on top of it in class] 

  Miss Hoover : Well, it's still the best thing in this class. A-minus.

  Lisa : [chuckling to herself]  Lisa Simpson, master of the double life.

  [she falls asleep again] 

  Ralph Wiggum : [eating the marshmallows from his own project]  You're like my mommy after her box of wine.

• Anthro Lecturer : [showing his class an "Itchy & Scratchy" cartoon]  So, what does this cartoon "mean"?

  Tina : It shows how the depletion of our natural resources has pitted our small farmers against each other.

  Anthro Lecturer : Yes, and birds go "tweet". What else?

  Milhouse Van Houten : Hey, mister, put the cartoon back on.

  Anthro Lecturer : I'm sorry, boys. We don't allow children in this class.

  Milhouse Van Houten : What about Lisa? She's only 8.

  Tina : [murmurs from the class]  Lisa, did you lie to us?

  Lisa : Well, I just wanted to belong. For once, I felt I was with intellectual equals.

  Carrie : I can't believe I cheated off an 8-year-old.

  Lisa : [crying, she leaves]  I guess we won't be biking through Italy.

  Carrie : She's worse than that 80-year-old who pretended to be a freshman.

  Hans Moleman : I just wanted a place to sit down.

• Lisa : [thinking]  Wow! I'm actually passing as a college student! And they don't have a Blue's Clue. Whoops! Gotta age it up.

  [out loud] 

  Lisa : Life sucks.

  Tina : Totally.

  Lisa : [sighing in relief]  Phew.

• Homer Simpson : What the...? You earned how many credits without our permission?

  Lisa : 16.

  Marge Simpson : [Homer lets out an anguished cry]  College is no place for a young girl, with those quadrangles, and study carrels, and syllabi...

  Lisa : Doogie Howser went to college when he was my age.

  Homer Simpson : Against my wishes!

  Lisa : But the atmosphere there was so stimulating. It was a bustling marketplace of ideas.

  Marge Simpson : Oh? And this kitchen isn't?

  Lisa : Well...

  Marge Simpson : I put those "Cathys" on the fridge for you. I don't even like them. They've gotten so smutty.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, sure, when a man does it, it's smutty. But if a woman did it...

  Marge Simpson : Homer, Cathy is a woman.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, come on.

  [going to the fridge and giving the strips a glance] 

  Homer Simpson : You're right.

  [he shudders] 

• [just as Carrie and Tina drop Lisa at home, beer keg crashes through the front window] 

  Homer Simpson : Hey, where's my keg?

  Lisa : Mm. Mom's not gonna like that.

  Carrie : Who's Mom?

  Lisa : Uh, that's what we call the gay guy who lives with us.

• Lugash : [watching one of his students]  Okay... for next exercise, put hands on hips, jump out window, and go tell parents to STOP WASTING MY TIME WITH FAILURE CHILD!

  [bawling, she runs towards the door] 

  Lugash : Faster! Lift your knees!

  Marge Simpson : Look, Lisa, there's an opening.

  Lisa : Who wants to put on a leotard and get screamed at?

  Homer Simpson : Well, hookers and Spider-Man.

  Lisa : Forget it. I'm going home.

• John F. Kennedy : Get up, Liser.

  Lisa : President Kennedy!

  John F. Kennedy : That's right, Liser. Academics are important, but you must also train your body with vigor. That's why I created the President's Council on Physical Fitness. Er, uh, yes.

  Lisa : Well, I can't argue with the man who wrote "Profiles in Courage."

  John F. Kennedy : Yes, uh, wrote it, uh... well, uh, good luck, Liser.

  Lisa : Thanks. I'll see you in heaven!

  John F. Kennedy : Uh, yes, er, uh, heaven.

• Carrie : So, what dorm do you live in?

  Lisa : Actually, I'm off-campus. I, um, share a house with a couple of girls, a couple of guys.

  Carrie : Guys, huh? Are they cute?

  Lisa : Well, Bart's kind of... no!

• Carrie : Hey, you doing anything tomorrow night? Robert Pinsky's reading at Cafe Kafka.

  Lisa : Robert Pinsky? The former Poet Laureate?

  Tina : It's gonna be great. The three of us could share a scone.

  Lisa : Non-dairy?

  Carrie , Tina : Duh.

• Lisa : You're reading "Gravity's Rainbow"?

  Tina : Re-reading.

  Carrie : Sorry, what are you guys talking about? I was making fractals.

  Lisa : [thinking]  These girls are brilliant. I've finally found kids I can relate to.

  [out loud] 

  Lisa : You guys are so cool. I can't believe I never met you before.

  Tina : Well, I'm Tina, and this is Carrie.

  Carrie : Maybe we can hang out together.

  Lisa : Oh, I'd love to.

  Lugash : [coming in]  You girls were all great. Cats back for everyone.

  Tina : I had a dog.

  Lugash : Is cat now!