The Simpsons (TV Series)
The Front (1993)
Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson
Photos
Quotes
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Bart Simpson : Grampa, we need to know your first name.
Grampa : [gasps] You're making my tombstone?
Lisa Simpson : No, no, we're just curious.
Grampa : All right, let's see. First name, first name... well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear.
[pulls them out]
Grampa : It holds the answer to all the important questions.
[reads]
Grampa : "Call me... Abraham Simpson."
Lisa Simpson : Grampa, how'd you take off your underwear without taking off your pants?
Grampa : ...I don't know.
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Lisa Simpson : [watching an "Itchy & Scratchy" cartoon] This is a rather lifeless outing.
Bart Simpson : Don't worry, they're building to something.
Scratchy : [Itchy hits him with a mallet] Ow.
Itchy , Scratchy : Kids, say "no" to drugs.
[they smile, and the cartoon ends]
Krusty the Clown : Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...
[realizing the cameras are rolling]
Krusty the Clown : Hey, whoa, wasn't that great, kids?
Lisa Simpson : That's as bad as the tasteless Itchy and Sambo cartoons of the late '30s. The writers should be ashamed of themselves.
Bart Simpson : Cartoons have writers?
Lisa Simpson : Yeah, sort of.
Bart Simpson : Oh, yeah? Well, you and I could write a better cartoon than that.
Lisa Simpson : [getting an idea] Write a cartoon ourselves? Bart, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Bart Simpson : Probably not.
[in a thought bubble, he holds on a gun on Santa Claus]
Bart Simpson : Lie in the snow and count to 60.
[as Santa does so, he climbs into Santa's sleigh and flies away with an evil laugh]
Bart Simpson : Merry Christmas, suckers!
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Lisa Simpson : It's so sad that Krusty is ashamed of his roots.
[Homer walks in, with a plunger stuck on his head]
Homer : Marge, it happened again!
[he wrenches at it, but only pulls off the handle]
Bart Simpson : What are you gonna change your name to when you grow up?
Lisa Simpson : Lois Sanborn.
Bart Simpson : [points to himself] Steve Bennett.
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Lisa Simpson : Grampa, we could write the scripts for you and split the money three ways.
Grampa : I don't know. I'd better sleep on it.
Bart Simpson : [he falls asleep] Grampa?
[tapping his shoulder]
Bart Simpson : Grampa.
Grampa : [jerking awake] Ah! Duh! Oh, why did you wake me? I was having the nicest dream. I dreamt I was the queen of the Old West. I kept a six-shooter in my garter, I did.
Bart Simpson : Do we have a deal?
Grampa : Sure, sure.
[he falls asleep again; in his thought bubble, two cowboys prepare to duel]
Grampa : [coming out dressed as an Old West showgirl] Boys, stop! You can both marry me.
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Lisa Simpson : [completing their "Itchy & Scratchy" script] Finished. Now all we have to do is put our names on it.
Bart Simpson : Fine. Put my name first.
Lisa Simpson : No way!
Bart Simpson : All right, then to decide it, I propose a race around the world. Meet me at Leicester Square at noon tomorrow. The queen herself shall drop the checkered flag.
Lisa Simpson : Look, there's only one reasonable way to settle this. Rock, Paper, Scissors.
[thinking]
Lisa Simpson : Poor, predictable Bart. Always takes rock.
Bart Simpson : [thinking] Good old rock. Nothing beats that.
[pumping their fists]
Bart Simpson : Rock.
Lisa Simpson : Paper.
Bart Simpson : D'oh!
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Lisa Simpson : Bart, they rejected our script.
Bart Simpson : I guess we're just not cut out to be writers.
Lisa Simpson : Maybe he just doesn't take us seriously 'cause we're kids. Let's put a grown-up's name on it.
Bart Simpson : How about Grampa? He's pretty out of it. He let those guys use his checkbook for a whole year.
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Roger Meyers Jr. : Hey, how would you kids like a tour of the studio?
Bart Simpson , Lisa Simpson : Yay!
Roger Meyers Jr. : Abe, you coming?
Grampa : Any stairs?
Roger Meyers Jr. : Just one.
Grampa : Nuts to you.
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Grampa : Here, kids, I guess you deserve this. Let's go.
Lisa Simpson : I guess nobody likes the truth, huh, Grampa?
Grampa : Nope.
Bart Simpson : I'll never watch an awards show again, unless that delightful Billy Crystal's involved.
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Bart Simpson : Yo, Grampa, time for the awards.
Grampa : Did you call the girl from the escort service?
Lisa Simpson : They said their insurance won't cover you.
Grampa : Ooh, that's an onion in the ointment.
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Lisa Simpson : Wow, it must be expensive to produce all these cartoons.
Roger Meyers Jr. : [passing by the same water cooler and janitor numerous times] Well, we cut corners. Sometimes, to save money, our animators will reuse the same backgrounds over and over and over again.