The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Trouble with Trillions (1998)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Krusty, Myron, Barney, President Truman, Hitler, Castro

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : [Homer doing his taxes]  Okay, Marge, if anyone asks: You require 24-hour nursing care, Lisa's a clergyman, Maggie is seven people, and Bart was wounded in Vietnam.

• Homer Simpson : Marge, you wouldn't believe it! They sell shredded meat on the street corners!

  Cuban Vendor Boy : Es Carne de Burro.

  [translation: "It's Donkey Meat"] 

  Homer Simpson : It's nice to meet you.

• Homer Simpson : Does this make me look fat?

  Lisa Simpson : No, it makes you look like a tool of government oppression.

  Homer Simpson : But not fat?

• Fidel Castro : Ahhh, the Americans aren't so bad, they named a street after me in San Francisco.

  [Aide whispers in his ear] 

  Fidel Castro : It's full of *what*?

• [last lines] 

  Mr. Burns : Well, if it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that too. And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I'll soon be guilty of that!

  Homer Simpson : God bless America!

• Homer : But I can't leave the country. What about my wife and kids?

  Smithers : That can be shipped.

• Kent Brockman : Sir, uh, why did you wait until the last minute to pay your taxes?

  Krusty the Clown : Because I'm an idiot! Happy?

  Kent Brockman : [back to the camera]  Of course not everyone is an idiot.

• Fidel Castro : Comrads, our nation is completely bankrupt! We have no choice but to abandon communism!

  Castro's Aide , Castro's Associates : [sigh] 

  Fidel Castro : I know, I know, I know... but we all knew from day one this mumbo jumbo wouldn't fly! I'll call Washington and tell them they won.

  Castro's Aide : But presidente, America tried to kill you!

  Fidel Castro : Ah, they're not so bad. They even named a street after me in San Francisco!

  [Aide #2 whispers something into his ear] 

  Fidel Castro : It's full of what?

• Homer Simpson : [fleeing from the IRS with Mr. Burns]  We'll hide out at my place. I've got beer.

• Fidel Castro : May I see?

  [asking to see the trillion-dollar bill Mr. Burns has held out] 

  Mr. Burns : Oh ho ho ho, see with your eyes, not with your hands.

  Fidel Castro : Please, we are all amigos here.

  Homer : Mr. Burns, I think we can trust the president of Cuba.

  Mr. Burns : Now give it back.

  [Burns says nervously after a few seconds of letting Fidel hold the trillion-dollar bill] 

  Fidel Castro : Give what back?

• Mr. Burns : Will you at least permit us to live in your socialist paradise?

  Fidel Castro : You talkin' about Cooba?

  [pronouncing Cuba differently after going wide-eyed and surprise] 

• Homer Simpson : [frantically trying to do his tax returns]  Marge! How many kids do we have? Oh, no time to count I'll just estimate. Uh, nine!

  Marge Simpson : Homer, you know we don't have..

  Homer Simpson : Shut up, shut UP! If I don't hear you it's not illegal!