The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Trouble with Trillions (1998)

Harry Shearer: Ned Flanders, Dr. Hibbert, Principal Skinner, Kent Brockman, Lenny, Agent Johnson

Quotes 

• Kent Brockman : Sir, why did you wait until the last minute to pay your taxes?

  Otto : Taxes? Isn't this the line for Metallica?

• [last lines] 

  Mr. Burns : Well, if it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that too. And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I'll soon be guilty of that!

  Homer Simpson : God bless America!

• Mr. Burns : [points to a display case]  Oh, you'll find this amusing, the suit Charlie Chaplin was buried in.

• Homer : But I can't leave the country. What about my wife and kids?

  Smithers : That can be shipped.

• Kent Brockman : Sir, uh, why did you wait until the last minute to pay your taxes?

  Krusty the Clown : Because I'm an idiot! Happy?

  Kent Brockman : [back to the camera]  Of course not everyone is an idiot.

• Mr. Burns : [Smithers, Burns and Homer are trying to find an island to start a new country on]  Ohhh, there's a big one! And it has freedom written all over it!

  Waylon Smithers : Sir... that's Cuba.

  Mr. Burns : Cuba, eh? Take 'er down, Smithers.

  Waylon Smithers : Uh, you're flying the plane, sir.

  Mr. Burns : Excellent.

• Fidel Castro : May I see?

  [asking to see the trillion-dollar bill Mr. Burns has held out] 

  Mr. Burns : Oh ho ho ho, see with your eyes, not with your hands.

  Fidel Castro : Please, we are all amigos here.

  Homer : Mr. Burns, I think we can trust the president of Cuba.

  Mr. Burns : Now give it back.

  [Burns says nervously after a few seconds of letting Fidel hold the trillion-dollar bill] 

  Fidel Castro : Give what back?

• Agent Johnson : We believe Burns still has that bill somewhere in his house. But all we've ascertained from satellite photos is that it's not on the roof.

• Mr. Burns : Will you at least permit us to live in your socialist paradise?

  Fidel Castro : You talkin' about Cooba?

  [pronouncing Cuba differently after going wide-eyed and surprise] 

• Mr. Burns : Sorry about the landing, boys. This fog is so thick, I can't see my own cataracts.

• Mr. Burns : Oppression and harassment are a small price to pay to live in the land of the free.