- Dr. Hibbert: [Mensa Club is giving a public speech] When are we going to get to my speech?
- Comic Book Guy: Quit butting in please. Your IQ is a mere 155 while mine is a muscular 170.
- [singing to the Star Trek theme]
- Comic Book Guy: I am smart. Much smarter than you. Hibbert!
- Professor Frink: You should all do what I do. My IQ is 199 for crying out glaving.
- [Accidentally bumps his head]
- Professor Frink: 198... 197.
- Stephen Hawking: Big deal. My IQ is 280.
- Comic Book Guy: [Sarcastically] Yeah. Everyone's *real* happy then.
- Lindsey Naegle: Do I detect a note of sarcasm?
- Professor Frink: [Looking at the screen of a beeping gadget] Are you kidding me? This baby is off the charts!
- Comic Book Guy: [Extremely sarcastic] Oh, a sarcasm detector. Oh, that's a *real* useful invention!
- [the sarcasm detector starts beeping frantically and then explodes from overload]
- Stephen Hawking: I don't know which is a bigger disappointment: my failure to formulate a unified field theory or you.
- Principal Skinner: I don't like your tone.
- Stephen Hawking: If you're looking for trouble, you found it.
- Principal Skinner: Yeah, just try me, you
- [gets punched in the face]
- Lisa: My family never talks about library standards. And every time I try to steer the conversation that way, they make me feel like a nerd.
- Comic Book Guy: We are hardly nerds. Would a nerd wear such an irreverent sweatshirt?
- [open his jacket to show off his shirt]
- Lisa: [reading the shirt] "C:/DOS C:/DOS/RUN RUN/DOS/RUN".
- [laughs]
- Lisa: Oh, only one person in a million would find that funny.
- Professor Frink: Yes, we call that the "Dennis Miller Ratio."
- Principal Skinner: Excuse me, gentlemen. Might I take a peak at your gazebo reservation form?
- Lenny: Beat it!
- Principal Skinner: [laughs] Yes, well, we each have a good case.
- Carl: What part of "beat it" didn't you understand?
- Principal Skinner: Hmm, I guess it would be the "it". I'm not exactly sure to what that refers, it's a...
- Principal Skinner: [gets hit by a beer can] Aaaho!
- Lisa: What are you doing here?
- Stephen Hawking: I have come to see your utopia. But now I see it's more of a frutopia.
- Principal Skinner: I guess what doctor Hawking means is...
- [gets interrupted]
- Stephen Hawking: SILENCE. I don't need anyone to speak for me, except this voice box. You people have been clearly been corrupted by power. For shame.