- Jessica Tate: Billy, come sit down next to mummy. C'mon. Now, you remember when I told you about the good and the bad beans? Well, what you're about to hear is going to sound like some very bad beans. In fact, if Juan Valdez had beans like these, that man would shoot his donkey and burn the mountain.
- [first lines]
- Police Desk Sergeant: C'mon, Babette, you know it's illegal.
- Babette: Oh, please - illegal? I told him he could go around the world for a hundred dollars. I'm a travel agent for God's sake!
- Burt Campbell: I figured out who did it.
- Chuck Campbell: [Bob] Oh, I can't wait to hear.
- Burt Campbell: The Tates did it.
- Chuck Campbell: All of them?
- Burt Campbell: That's right. One used a brick, another a gun, another a knife. Most families go on picnics together; these people kill.
- Mary Campbell: Corinne didn't do it. You know Corinne. How could you possibly think she did that?
- Burt Campbell: Mary, you never know what evil lurks in the hearts of men - or women. You don't think Lizzie Borden's mother wasn't surprised when she saw that axe comin'?
- Elaine Lefkowitz: [Holding Danny at gunpoint] Now take off that mask!
- Danny Dallas: [pulls off mask] Hi.
- Elaine Lefkowitz: [awestruck] Hell-o!
- Danny Dallas: Now listen, I'm not a burglar or anything.
- Elaine Lefkowitz: [eagerly] Are you a rapist?
- Danny Dallas: Oh, no, no, no, nothin' like that, uh-uh.
- Elaine Lefkowitz: [deflated] Oh. Well, I wish you could have broken in a couple hours ago when I had some make-up on.
- [last lines]
- Chief of Police Tinkler: You sound funny. You must be one of them there foreigners, huh?
- Ingrid Swenson: I am Ingrid Svenson. And I am Corinne's mother.
- Chief of Police Tinkler: Wha - ?
- Ingrid Swenson: [gives Tinkler a document] Here is the proof. Just look at that.