Soap (TV Series)

Episode #1.9 (1977)

Richard Mulligan: Burt Campbell

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Quotes 

• Burt Campbell : In my job, you work very closely with the wife, and I did. I was with her all the time. And then I did little things when I saw the job was coming to an end, just to be with her. Like when I put in the kitchen, I left out the sink. She had to come tell me the sink was missing, so I could be with her. I left the toilet out of the bathroom... put in a closet that didn't open. No stairs, little things like that.

• Burt Campbell : One day, my first wife took my kids and left me. No talk, nothing. I came home from work and there was a note stuck in the meatloaf. It said: "I'm leaving, I can do better!"

• Dr. Medlow : Mr. Campbell, anything you say here is completely confidential.

  Burt Campbell : Yeah? No matter how terrible it is?

  Dr. Medlow : That's right. But Mr. Campbell--everyone who comes in here thinks they're going to tell me something I've never heard before... and it never happens. We all have the same problems.

  Burt Campbell : Hey, hey, I know what you hear! You hear a guy fools around on his wife, you hear some guys like weird things in the bedroom, maybe one or two hate women. Maybe somebody's in love with a goat. That's nothing! What I got is big, I mean big! You'd be shocked.

  Dr. Medlow : No, I won't.

  Burt Campbell : Yes, you will.

  Dr. Medlow : I guarantee I won't!

  Burt Campbell : Oh, yeah?

  Dr. Medlow : Try me.

  Burt Campbell : I murdered my wife's first husband.

  Dr. Medlow : [falling off his chair]  My, that is a big one!