- Gene Bergman: Why am I the one who's going?
- Annie Bergman: Because we don't know if they're a bunch of maniacs over there with Uzis waiting to blow away the first person to come to the door.
- Gene Bergman: So, I'm the one who's expendable?
- Annie Bergman: Unfortunately, Gene, yes. Because I'm the only one who knows how to work the dishwasher!
- Alice Cooper: You know, when I put the band together, biting heads off chickens was not part of the original act.
- Gene Bergman: You bite heads off of chickens?
- Alice Cooper: Oh, no, no, no. The chicken thing was exaggerated. I mean, you know, we were already the bad boys of rock. We had the long hair and the makeup and the snake.
- Gene Bergman: What snake?
- Alice Cooper: Gene, do you have any idea who I am?
- Annie Bergman: He's the best thing to happen to Stockbridge since Norman Rockwell.
- Alice Cooper: Wow! It's not often that I get my name mentioned in the same breath as Norman Rockwell. Norman Bates...
- Gene Bergman: Why are you so starstruck? In New York, we lived next door to the man who won the Nobel Prize in physics.
- Annie Bergman: Yeah, but I didn't lose my virginity listening to one of his lectures on quantum theory!
- Gene Bergman: Alice, would you do me one more little favor?
- Alice Cooper: Sure, Gene. Us guys with girls' names have got to stick together.