- Silvio Dante: When I came to open up one morning, there you were with your head half in the toilet, your hair was in the toilet water... disgusting.
- Christopher Moltisanti: I told you, I had the flu.
- Silvio Dante: I said my peace, Chrissy...
- Adriana La Cerva: [at Christopher's intervention] But when you killed Cosette, that was the last straw.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Killed the dog? What'd you do that for?
- Christopher Moltisanti: It was an accident!
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What, was it barking?
- [at Christopher's intervention]
- Dominic Palladino: Paul, you wanna read your statement?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I don't write nothin' down, so I'll keep this short and sweet. You're weak. You're outta control. And you've become an embarrassment to yourself and everybody else.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after Christopher is harshly beaten] Does it hurt?
- Christopher Moltisanti: They gave me some aspirin.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well enjoy it, cause it's the last fucking drug you're ever gonna take.
- Christopher Moltisanti: I'm sorry, T.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Shut the fuck up and listen to me. You're my nephew, Christopher, and I love you. And that's the only reason you're alive right now. If it had been anybody else, anybody, they would have had that fuckin' intervention right through the back of their head. You and me, we're close. We've done a lot of things for eachother.
- Christopher Moltisanti: A cop shot my father. I know what you're telling me. I'll never forget that.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: And this is how you repay me. I gotta worry if you're gonna flip over a nickel bag of white powder!
- Christopher Moltisanti: No, Tony, never.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You lied to me. I told you you were the future of this family, I gave you that responsibilty and you looked me in the eye and you accepted it, and you were fucking high!
- Christopher Moltisanti: [tearfully] Tony...
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Shut up. Tomorrow you're gonna go with Patsy up to this rehab place in Pennsylvania. You're going in, you're staying in, you're gonna do every fucking session and you're gonna keep your mouth shut. Now if you need anything. Anything at all, Patsy's gonna be half a mile away from you in a motel. Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you?
- Christopher Moltisanti: [crying] Tony, I'm sorry! How'd I fucking get to this?
- Christopher Moltisanti: [Referring to Tony during the intervention] There he goes "Mr. Type A" personality
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: We're here to talk about you killing yourself with drugs, not my fucking personality
- Christopher Moltisanti: I'm going to kill myself? The way you fucking eat you're going to have a heart attack by the time your fifty
- Doctor: [after Christopher was beaten at his intervention by some of the guys and was now in the hospital, questioning Tony] So he slipped off the kitchen counter spraying for ants?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, he was wearin' socks!
- Carmela Soprano: [Confronting Christopher at his intervention] I know you were high at my mother-in-law's wake.
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: My mudda's wake!
- Dominic Palladino: [During Christopher's intervention] Christopher, this won't be easy for any of us I want you to know we're here today because we care about you all we ask is that you listen
- Christopher Moltisanti: [to Adriana] was this your idea?
- Dominic Palladino: [to Adriana] would you like to begin?
- Adriana La Cerva: [to Christopher] I love you very much, my only dream is that we have a happy life together for the last few months things have gotten very bad because you're using drugs all the time, your high all the time and I can't take it
- Dominic Palladino: [to Adriana] be specific.
- Adriana La Cerva: When we first started going out we made love all the time now because of the drugs...
- Christopher Moltisanti: Jesus, is this fucking necessary?
- Dominic Palladino: [to Adriana] go ahead
- Adriana La Cerva: You can no longer function as a man, last week when I came and found you killed our dog that was the final straw
- Christopher Moltisanti: [Referring to the dog] I fell asleep, she got suffocated
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You killed little Cosette, I ought to suffocate you, you little prick
- Dominic Palladino: Tony, we're going in order
- Christopher Moltisanti: [after Silvio reads his statement] I told you I had the flu, I can't even defend myself now?
- Dominic Palladino: No one's attacking you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Look, it doesn't change anything but I can verify he was sick for a little while, still this thing with the dog, how could you not see it on the chair?
- Dominic Palladino: You're getting emotional tony
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's because I know what it's like to lose a pet!
- Carmela Soprano: I happen to know you were high at my mother in law's wake, you were talking nonstop for twenty minutes, nothing but gibberish
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Shaking his head in disappointment] my mother's wake, Jesus Christ
- Dominic Palladino: [after Paulie reads his statement] whoa, guys we said "non-judgmental"
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Fuck that, let him take his medicine
- Christopher Moltisanti: Seriously Paulie, you want to talk about "being up"?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Watch it Chrissy
- Christopher Moltisanti: What? I thought we're honest here, you got some balls you know that? All of you, you want to talk about "self-control", how about you Sil? Fucking every slut you got working for you when you got a wife and kid at home how about you Paulie? You remember last year in the woods with the Russian guy?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Christopher I am fucking warning you!
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know, I was thinking about you.
- Svetlana Kirilenko: So you're drunk already.
- Tony Soprano: So what's up, you make me late for a table at Tavern on the fuckin Green?
- Johnny 'Sack' Sacramoni: How's the real estate business?
- Tony Soprano: Excuse me?
- Johnny 'Sack' Sacramoni: You know HUD, Garside Street, you, Ralph, Zellman
- Tony Soprano: Zellman tell you this?
- Johnny 'Sack' Sacramoni: Carmine doesn't know anything about this yet. I'm giving you an opportunity to cut a deal, make it right
- Tony Soprano: Last time Freeland Heisen Avenue, I cut you in out of friendship but that's over. You got nothing coming to you: you or Carmine
- Johnny 'Sack' Sacramoni: You sure you want to go down this road?
- Albert Barese: [on his disappearance] What's with Ralph? Fuckin Bermuda Triangle?
- Silvio Dante: This thing with his kid, his probably down in the bunker
- Albert Barese: I'll tell ya, if I didn't know better...
- Silvio Dante: [interrupts him] Are we off the record?
- Albert Barese: [nervously] Off the record? It's Tony
- Albert Barese: [when Silvio and Patsy don't respond] What? Am I wrong?
- Silvio Dante: [before leaving to use the bathroom] Honestly, I don't know, take a leak
- Albert Barese: This is bad my friend, I mean don't get me wrong, I wouldn't piss on this Ralph if he was fire but to whack a guy over a horse? How fucked up is that?
- Patsy Parisi: If it happened to him, it could happen to any one of us
- Albert Barese: What's next? Get clipped for wearing the wrong shoes?
- Patsy Parisi: What can you do? Tony's the boss: centuries of tradition here
- Albert Barese: Exactly my point, if Tony did do this, whack Ralph over a horse, that guy would be the first fuckin guy in line to pull the plug
- Junior Soprano: You got only one option: a dog you love catches rabies, you put her out of its misery
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So, what do I do?
- Junior Soprano: [referring to Christopher's drug addiction] The feds get him in this condition, who knows what his liable to say? You go on trial like me, you won't sleep at night
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: All the more reason to clean him up. Still, he's a major liability, if it was anybody else...
- Junior Soprano: [interrupts him, referring to the smell of the wine his drinking] It reminds me of people's feet
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I don't know if I could do the other "thing", Dominic Palladino, you remember him?
- Junior Soprano: The B&E guy: a real juicer
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: His in AA now, I thought I'd give him a call? They can treat this shit nowadays
- Carmela Soprano: Tony, can you come down here please?
- Tony Soprano: What? What's the matter?
- Tony Soprano: [after seeing Ariana with a black eye] what happened?
- Carmela Soprano: Your nephew
- Tony Soprano: Christopher did this? He hit you? What for?
- Carmela Soprano: What's the difference Tony?
- Adriana La Cerva: He was high
- Tony Soprano: Little prick, I'm going to ring his fuckin neck. Where is he?
- Carmela Soprano: His been using drugs: heroin
- Adriana La Cerva: His car was stolen by some Puerto Ricans, they stole his cell phone too. I don't know what to do. I already packed a suitcase for my aunt's in Daytona
- Tony Soprano: Take it easy, don't do something your going to regret
- Carmela Soprano: Three weeks before their wedding
- Adriana La Cerva: Maybe he needs to be in rehab?
- Carmela Soprano: You can hire someone to do an intervention apparently
- Tony Soprano: [Eventually implies since their a crime family they have to handle these issues by themselves] girls, come on we're a family here. I've got to spell it out for you? Take it easy let me figure out how to handle this
- Adriana La Cerva: Please don't hurt him
- Silvio Dante: What's goin on Tone?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I think I know what happened to Ralph and if I'm right, he ain't coming back: it was New York
- Vito Spatafore: Johnny Sack?
- Carlo Gervasi: What was it? The fat joke?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm sure that didn't help
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Carmine, this HUD thing we're into. they wanted a "piece" of it. I think they confronted Ralph, and things went sour
- Albert Barese: What'd he say John?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It wasn't what he said so much it was what he "didn't" say
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: We're talking about New York here
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Before we do anything in terms of payback, you go to your people, and I want a full investigation. Nobody makes a move until we know what happened, understand?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [showing him Tony's painting of Tony and his horse Pie-O-My] how much to paint a different suit on him, change his face a little?
- Prabhat: pardon me?
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: why throw it away? A stronger chin maybe? I was thinkin the paintings you see in the courthouse, something classy, you know like a revolutionary war general, Napoleon and his horse, that kind of thing
- Prabhat: [referring to Tony's physical feature] his rather portly to be Napoleon
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [irritated] not Napoleon exactly, "like" Napoleon
- Carmela Soprano: [referring to the gift Furio got AJ from Italy] he loved that little man, by the way
- Furio Giunta: his for good luck
- Carmela Soprano: not that he remembered to thank you and Meadow loved that book
- Furio Giunta: you know I feel bad I didn't get you something. I bring you something but I forgot it when I left that morning
- Furio Giunta: [walks over to the counter and picks up the jar] balsamic vinegar: thirty-five years from my sister's husband's family
- Carmela Soprano: so, aside from your dad, was it wonderful being back in Italy?
- Furio Giunta: oh, it was wonderful
- Carmela Soprano: you got to go home, see your friends, your family
- Furio Giunta: I gotta be honest: it wasn't so nice, I don't belong there no more
- Carmela Soprano: no?
- Furio Giunta: something changed, maybe me?
- Carmela Soprano: what'd you mean?
- Furio Giunta: I'm like a visitor in my own town: life went on without me, there's nothing there for me now
- Carmela Soprano: no "special" someone?
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: [meeting privately, reading from her notes] how about Carmine Lupertazzi? Christopher ever talk about having dinner with him last July?
- Adriana La Cerva: no
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: what's the matter? You and Christopher arguing? This is a stressful time for a wedding: a lot of guys get cold feet...
- Adriana La Cerva: [interrupts her, irritated] his fuckin stoned on H all the time, ok?
- Adriana La Cerva: [when she doesn't respond] there! You happy?
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: we put you guys on the mailing list for Hazelden
- Adriana La Cerva: that rehab shit? That's where all those brochures are coming from? From you?
- Agent Robyn Sanseverino: convince him, he needs help, he needs to be in rehab
- Carmela Soprano: [referring to Furio] I was so upset when he didn't bring me back a present from Italy: he got something for AJ and Meadow, he gave me some vinegar but I don't think it was meant for me, it must've been something that made him feel bad?
- Rosalie Aprile: You sound like a fifteen year old
- Carmela Soprano: I bring AJ with me, now, he even smells a rat
- Rosalie Aprile: If Tony suspects one iota, you know what'll happen to Furio, these guys are living in a different century
- Carmela Soprano: It didn't stop you
- Rosalie Aprile: Steve at the gym? I felt so guilty all the time, the lies, the sneaking. It took Jackie going into the hospital for me to stop
- Carmela Soprano: We haven't slept together yet
- Rosalie Aprile: You're not fuckin him? So, this isn't really "real"
- Carmela Soprano: It is "real", we communicate, he looks at me like I'm beautiful: he thinks I'm interesting when I talk, just those few minutes when we see each other, I live for those. I feel like my life is slipping through my fingers and I will never be happy
- Rosalie Aprile: If you haven't slept with him yet, don't and don't go over there anymore
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What's all that?
- Svetlana Kirilenko: I'm making a website for my business
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know how to do that?
- Svetlana Kirilenko: I'm going to pay someone thirty-five bucks an hour? If I get stuck, I'll call Bill
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You get married yet?
- Svetlana Kirilenko: Maybe when he gets back
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Not that Bill's a lucky man: your Russian, you got all the angles, you come over here and bust your ass
- Svetlana Kirilenko: people are people
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Look at you, you got every excuse to be in the bottle, but you are designing websites
- Svetlana Kirilenko: What'd you mean? What excuse?
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to her physical disability of using a prosthetic leg] Well, your...
- Svetlana Kirilenko: Oh, leg, of course, there are worst things
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to the New York baseball team] So, how about those Mets?
- Svetlana Kirilenko: Don't start with me on those Mets
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know, I was thinking about you
- Svetlana Kirilenko: [jokingly] So you're drunk already
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No, no I was just thinking about the way you are: you always have this little smile, like you have your own private joke
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after she giggles, jokingly] You don't talk much, do you? Well, I wish I knew your secret, lose a leg, and start making websites
- Svetlana Kirilenko: That's the whole purpose for people like me: to inspire people like you
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Jesus, no offense
- Svetlana Kirilenko: So, that's the trouble with Americans, you expect nothing bad to ever happen, when the rest of the world expects only bad to happen and then they are not disappointed
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's a fuckin grim outlook
- Svetlana Kirilenko: You have everything and still you complain, lie on couches, with your psychiatrist. You have too much to time to think about yourselves
- Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That sounds like me alright
- Svetlana Kirilenko: you're not so bad. You have many fine qualities: you are big and strong
- Dominic Palladino: [briefing them] Are we all here? Good afternoon, for those of you that don't know me, my name's Dominic and I'm alcoholic and an addict
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [irritated] Don't forget scumbag
- Dominic Palladino: As some of you don't know, I've also been in recovery going on four years. I joined AA in prison and frankly, it saved my life. Now, we're all here today because we have something in common: not only we share a certain background in culture, we also care about Chris and want to help him with his heroin addiction. Has anyone of you guys been involved in an intervention before?
- Silvio Dante: We caught our daughter smoking pot once but...
- Gabriella Dante: [interrupts him] Not really, no
- Dominic Palladino: No problem. An intervention is a non-judge mental confrontation: a care-front-tation, we call it. Now what I need from you guys is make a list of specific times where Christopher's drug use impacted on you directly. For example, Adriana, is it?
- Dominic Palladino: [after she nods] You would say something like this, Christopher, last Monday, you came from work high, belligerent, and you were physically abusive to me
- Adriana La Cerva: What if his high when we try to talk to him?
- Dominic Palladino: Then we wait until his sober. During my first intervention, Steven Patrono waited ten hours for me to sober up
- Silvio Dante: Your first intervention?
- Dominic Palladino: In 1997, I suffered a relapse, as heroin addicts, alcoholics suffer a fairly high recidivism rate
- Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [sarcastically] Great, so his taking advice from a two-time loser?
- Dominic Palladino: There are no losers in recovery