South Park (TV Series)
Christian Rock Hard (2003)
Matt Stone: Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, Butters, Gerald Broflovski, F.B.I. Agent #2, Sanctified Band Member #2, Sanctified Band Member #3
Quotes
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Butters Stotch : [to an old lady buying their album] We're not really Christian. We're just pretending we are.
Cartman : [the old lady walks away] Butters, remind me later to cut your balls off.
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Token : [to Cartman] Good job, dickhead! We lost the entire audience!
Cartman : Ah, fuck you Token, you black asshole!
[Token kicks the crap out of Cartman and leaves him coughing on all fours]
Stan : Hmm, guess he got what he deserved.
Butters : [Standing around Cartman, then after a while he farts on Cartman and gives him the finger] Fuck you, Eric.
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Sanctified Band Member #1 : [a band walks by] Is this the way to the stage?
Eric Cartman : Who are you?
Sanctified Band Member #1 : We're the band Sanctified. We play metal and punk, but with lyrics that inspire faith in Christ.
Sanctified Band Member #2 : We proved that Christian music can be tough and hardcore.
Eric Cartman : [sarcastically] Yeah, you guys are real hardcore.
Sanctified Band Member #1 : You bet your gosh-darn rear end we are!
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Eric Cartman : [when Cartman learns he's lost the bet] God damn it!
Michael Collins : Oh, please don't take the Lord's name in vain.
Eric Cartman : Who cares? I lost the bet because you stupid assholes don't give out platinum albums.
Michael Collins : But you spread the word of the lord. You brought faith in Jesus.
Eric Cartman : Oh, fuck Jesus!
Butters Stotch : [afraid the crowd gasps] Eric, I'm pretty sure that you shouldn't say the F-word about Jesus.
Token Williams : Yeah, you're gonna hurt the band.
Eric Cartman : Who fucking cares, Token? I can never beat Kyle now. I'll say it again. Fuck Jesus!
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Kyle Broflovski : Christian rock?
Eric Cartman : Think about it. It's the easiest crappiest music in the world, right? If we just play songs about how much we love Jesus, all the Christians will buy our crap.
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Michael Collins : Boys, in recognition of over one million records sold, the Christian recording industry is pleased to present you with this myrrh album.
Eric Cartman : Thank you... Myrrh album?
Stan Marsh : I thought albums went either gold or platinum.
Michael Collins : No, no, in Christian rock, our albums go gold and frankincense and myrrh. Congratulations.
Kyle Broflovski : Ha! Our bet was that you would get a platinum album, not a myrrh album. I don't owe you anything, fat boy.
Eric Cartman : Do you mean to tell me I can never get a platinum album with a Christian rock band?
Michael Collins : No, but you can go double myrrh.
Eric Cartman : God damn it!