- [first lines]
- Gavin P. Miller: Stuart. Did you read this? Random House is coming out with the complete annotated Faulkner collection - Stuart, that is not funny!
- Stuart Miller: Lets take a vote. Everybody who thinks it's funny put your hand on your chin.
- Gavin P. Miller: Why do you keep messing with my cardboard cut-out?
- Stuart Miller: Well, why is that creepy thing still in our office?
- Gavin P. Miller: Because I might decide to have another signing for my book.
- Stuart Miller: What for? Mom already has a copy.
- Stuart Miller: Why do you torment yourself with a constant reminder of your failure?
- Gavin P. Miller: It wasn't *my* failure; it's society's. My book was universally praised and no-one bought it. Meanwhile Britney Spears spits out a novel and 'Oops, I Wrote It Again' tops the best seller list.
- Gavin P. Miller: Professor, is it just me, or are the world's standards deteriorating?
- Harold March: Ah, standards can kiss my ass! Standards keep people from taking chances. In the space program we had a poster up on the wall back when we were building Apollo. It said: if you wanna make an omelette, you gotta break a few eggs. The astronauts did not like that poster.
- Stuart Miller: Books on human behavior can be found under 'Psychology' and 'Self-Help' and my name is Stuart, and I can be found under 'Dangerous Men'.
- Skyler Dayton: So can I. That's why I need the book.
- [last lines]
- Stuart Miller: Oh, come on, let's hire her. She could be great for this place; add a little life around here.
- Gavin P. Miller: Don't be ridiculous! Do we really want someone who's going to recommend books based on the authors' pictures?
- Stuart Miller: So what!
- Gavin P. Miller: She chose College of the Desert guy over Edward Berlinger!
- Harold March: Edward Berlinger? I just read about him.
- Gavin P. Miller: Yes, he's probably won another award.
- Harold March: No, they found his wife's head in his freezer!
- Skyler Dayton: Really! Hah!
- Gavin P. Miller: We open at ten. Don't be late.
- Harold March: Dear God! He strangled her with his Nobel prize.
- Stuart Miller: God, she's so beautiful.
- Gavin P. Miller: I suppose. But I prefer a different kind of woman. Like Charlotte. She can speak four languages; she can converse on world affairs.
- Stuart Miller: She can frost a martini glass just by touching it.
- Skyler Dayton: Call me old-fashioned, but if you're going to be in bed with two women, one of them had better be me!
- Harold March: [sees Katrina coming in] Finally! Where's my coffee?
- Katrina: [getting behind the counter] I dunno, where's the life I always wanted?
- Skyler Dayton: I seem to have a thing for guys in a band. And actors. And pro athletes. And circus performers.
- Katrina: I seem to have a thing for guys who are one naked girl away from realizing they're gay.
- Harold March: At NASA, we had a poster on the wall. It said, 'If you're going to make an omelette, you've gotta break a few eggs'. The astronauts did *not* like that poster.