Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (TV Series)
Prophet Motive (1995)
Armin Shimerman: Quark
Photos
Quotes
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[last lines]
[Zek has been restored to his former self, with some help from Quark]
Quark : There's only one thing that bothers me. Now, don't get me wrong, I was honored to help the Nagus; but it would've been nice if I'd been able to make a little profit for my troubles.
Rom : That's all right. I made enough profit for the both of us.
Quark : What're you talking about?
Rom : I'm talking about the Ferengi Benevolent Association. Did you know it was funded with Zek's personal fortune? I was the senior administrator, Brother.
Quark : You embezzled money, from the Nagus?
Rom : Surprise!
Quark : Father would be proud!
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[Quark and Rom are trying to make sense of the new Rules]
Quark : It must be some kind of code. Read me the first word of every Rule.
Rom : [flipping through the first Rules] "If"... "Never"... "Keep"... "Profit"... "A"... "Good"... "Smile"... "Honesty"...
[Quark interrupts him with a shout, then repeats the words]
Quark : "If never keep profit a good smile honesty."
Rom : What does it mean, Brother?
Quark : It means... absolutely nothing!
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[Zek has passed a medical test with flying colors]
Zek : [handing Bashir a strip of latinum] Here, Doctor, for your trouble.
Doctor Bashir : I can't accept that.
Zek : Why not? It's only money. Donate it to charity, if you'd like.
Quark : And you say he's not sick.
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Quark : [10th Rule of Acquisition] Greed is eternal.
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[revised Rules of Acquisition]
Quark : #1: If they want their money back, give it to them.
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Emi : Quark - I can't wait any longer. Why don't you and I go down to Cargo Bay 11 and... sign the contract?
Quark : No need to rush. Your family's ship won't be here for a week. We'll have plenty of time to finalize the deal before then.
Emi : That's an unusual attitude for a Ferengi.
Quark : I'm a very unusual Ferengi.
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Quark : [to Bashir] I can't believe you're supposed to be one of the five best doctors in the Federation. If you ask me, you're a quack. No wonder everyone says you don't have a chance to win the Carrington.
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Quark : I have been accommodating long enough! If the Negus wants to stay on the station, he's gonna have to find someplace else to live!
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[Rom is reading the newly revised Rules of Acquisition; an aggrieved and flustered Quark is getting impatient]
Quark : Skip to the end.
[Rom obeys. He pauses as he silently reads the last rule]
Quark : [impatiently] Well, what does it say?
Rom : You're... not going to like this, brother.
Quark : I can take it.
Rom : [reading] Rule of Acquisition... 185... Every good deed... has it's own reward.
Quark : [Quark begins to hyperventilate. He looks like he is going to faint]
Rom : [worried] Brother, Are you all right?
Quark : [weakly] I-I-I just need to sit down.
[Quark sits on the window ledge and fans himself with his hand. Rom tries to cool Quark down by using the book as a fan]
Quark : [whimpers; waving the book away] Oh, take it away!
Rom : Sorry.
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Quark : [to Rom; upon being asked why he is insisting that Rom should be the one to talk to Grand Nagus Zek] Zek likes me, so I cannot effort to get on his wrong side. However, he doesn't acknowledge your existence... so *You* have nothing to lose!
[Quark proceeds to push a numb and fearful Rom to the door]
Quark : Now... *Get* in here and tell the Nagus that he'll have to leave!
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[Quark has forced Rom to answer the door to get Zek to leave. The door opens to reveal a mellow yet amicable Zek]
Zek : [happily] Rom! What can I do for you, my boy?
Rom : [nervously; on his knees] Grand Nagus! Forgive me for disturbing you.
Zek : [helping Rom up to his feet] Who's disturbed? I was hoping someone would drop by. Now, come right in.
Quark : [darting out from the shadows where he was hiding] Ah... Thank you, we'd be delighted.
Zek : [mock accusatory tone] Quark...
[amicably]
Zek : I knew you were lurking around here somewhere.
[Zek and Quark exchange high-pitched giggles]
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[First lines; A beatific Quark is receiving oo-mox from a beautiful alien woman]
Emi : Am I doing it right?
Quark : [breathily] You don't have to be so gentle.
[Emi massages his ears a little more firmly; Quark gasps with relaxation and pleasure. Emi talks to Quark as she continues to massage his ears]
Emi : Tell me again,
Quark : Tell you about what?
Emi : About the stem bolts.
Quark : [slowly and titillatingly; as an increasingly excited Emi continues to massage his ears] I have... one hundred gross... of self... sealing stem bolts... sitting in cargo bay... eleven.
Emi : [excited] And they're all mine?
Quark : For only ten bars of gold-pressed latinum.
[Emi giggles couquettishly as she lightly taps Quark's ears with her fingertips. Quark's eyes bug out as he quivers with sensual pleasure]
Emi : [happily] Oh Quark, you don't know what this means to me!
Quark : [in ecstasy] You don't know what *this* means to *me*!
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Emi : [to Quark; about the stem bolts he is going to sell her] Oh Quark... I can't wait any longer.
[getting up so that she is facing him. She puts her hand on his chest; seductively]
Emi : Why don't you... and I... . go down to cargo bay nine and... sign the contract?
Quark : No need your rush. Your family's ship won't be here for a week.
[he glides her hand to his ear, wanting to experience a little more oo-mox]
Quark : We'll have plenty of time to finalize the deal before then.
Emi : [genuinely surprised] That's an unusual attitude for a Ferengi.
Quark : [smiles] I'm a very unusual Ferengi.
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[Quark has kidnapped a brainwashed Zek and is taking him to the wormhole to confront the Prophets via the Nagus's private spaceship]
Zek : You know, my boy... I should be very angry with you.
Quark : [hopefully] Are you?
Zek : [dismissively] Ah! Not in the slightest!
Zek : [as he speaks Zek gives Quark a good-humored pinch on the ear. Quark's eyes bug out with alarm] I just can't help myself! I LIKE YOOOOOUUUUU!
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[Quark has just successfully negotiated with the prophets and is sent back to the ship. He sits on the floor, dazed]
Zek : Quark? Quark? Quark, are you all right?
Quark : [hesitantly] I... think so. Are you all right?
Zek : [grumpily] Oh, stop toadying up to me, Quark! It's revolting!
[Zek struggles out of his overcoat]
Zek : Just get me out of here! I have an orb to sell to the Bajorans!
Quark : Did you say 'sell'?
Zek : I am gonna make 'em pay through the nose!
[Zek cackles. He stops as he remembers something]
Zek : Speaking of nose... Where is my beetle snuff!
Quark : [overjoyed] Oh Nagus, you're back! I'm so happy!
[Quark jumps up and give Zek a hug as he laughs joyfully]
Zek : Oh! You're wrinkling my suuiiit!
Quark : [letting Zek go; mild-mannered] Oh... whatever you say.
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Rom : [to Quark] Are you sure this is a good idea? No one has seen the Nagus since he arrived here. If you disturb him, he'll be very angry.
Quark : I'm not going to disturb him. You are.
Rom : [alarmed] Me? Why not you?
Quark : [smirks] Zek likes me, so I can't afford to be on his bad side. On the other hand, he barely acknowledges your existence... So YOU have nothing to lose!
[Quark proceeds to push a scared-stiff Rom towards the door]
Quark : Now... *GET IN THERE* and tell the Nagus that he'll have to leave. And whatever happens, don't Maihar'du intimidate you. Hm?
[Quark rings the doorbell, and hides in a shadowy corners of a the bulkhead]
Rom : [out of his mind with fear] *Where are you going?*
Quark : Don't worry. If you need me, I'll be close by.
