Star Trek: Voyager (TV Series)
Riddles (1999)
Ethan Phillips: Neelix
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Quotes
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[Tuvok is in a coma]
The Doctor : There have been rare cases in which comatose patients responded to external stimuli - aromas, touch, voices.
Neelix : So, you're saying that if I stay here, and... and try to talk to Tuvok, I might be able to provoke some sort of response?
The Doctor : If anyone can provoke Tuvok, Mr. Neelix, it's you.
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Neelix : When is a Vulcan no longer a Vulcan?
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[last lines]
Tuvok : Sundays.
Neelix : I beg your pardon?
Tuvok : I have given further consideration to your riddle, regarding the ensign who survived by consuming the dates from his calendar. It occurs to me that he could also have eaten the "Sunda-y-es."
Neelix : [intrigued] That's a very clever answer, Mr. Vulcan... but it's not very logical, is it?
Tuvok : [ponders this] No... it's not.
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[Neelix plays the recording of a heavy Vulcan chant in sickbay in an attempt to get Tuvok out of his coma]
The Doctor : Mr. Neelix, what is that dreadful noise?
Neelix : The chants of the monks of T'Panit! Personally, I think it's dreadful, too, but it's one of Tuvok's favorites.
The Doctor : I appreciate your efforts, Mr. Neelix, but I'm trying to analyze his latest neurological scans, and this 'music' is very distracting.
Neelix : You said I was supposed to stimulate his senses.
The Doctor : I said stimulate them, Mr. Neelix, not annihilate them.
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Neelix : A lone ensign finds himself stranded on a class L planetoid with no rations. His only possession: a calendar. When Starfleet finds him twelve months later, he's in perfect health. Why didn't he starve to death?
Tuvok : It is a theoretical possibility that such planetoids contain hot water springs, which could sustain the man for several weeks.
Neelix : Hmm - but not for a whole year.
Tuvok : I concur. Logic dictates that the ensign in question would perish.
Neelix : A-ha! Hahahaha - ha! I stumped you! As a matter of fact, he not only survived, but his belly was full. Why? Because he feasted on "dates" from the calendar.
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[Neelix is desperate because he isn't able to restore Tuvok to his former self]
Seven of Nine : When I was separated from the Collective, I too was damaged. I was no longer connected to the hive mind; I lost many abilities that I had acquired as a drone, but I adapted.
Neelix : Because Captain Janeway didn't give up on you. She kept trying to help you.
Seven of Nine : But not by restoring me to what I'd been; by helping me discover what I could become.
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Neelix : How about a riddle?
Tuvok : [irritated] Mr. Neelix...
Neelix : Come on! It'll be fun.
Tuvok : I have no desire for fun.
Neelix : Okay, forget fun. A good riddle can stimulate the mind. Now, no self-respecting Vulcan can say no to that.
Tuvok : [sighs] Very well - *one* riddle.
Neelix : Here goes...
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Neelix : Don't worry, Captain. Tuvok will be back to his old self before you can say "Live long and prosper."
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Seven of Nine : How do you find something that's invisible?
Neelix : The Ba'neth.
Seven of Nine : We have the ability to illuminate them, but to do so, we must first locate them, which we cannot accomplish without their cloaking frequency.
Neelix : That's quite a riddle.
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Tuvok : I want to be able to have fun - with YOU! I won't be able to... will I?
Neelix : Well... you won't call it 'fun.' You'll call it 'deriving satisfaction,' but it's basically the same thing. You'll still experience emotions.
Tuvok : But I won't express them.
Neelix : Probably not.
Tuvok : Then how will you know how much I enjoy being with you?
Neelix : You've just told me.
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Neelix : [about the "funny" Tuvok] I'm going to miss him.
The Doctor : Me, too.
