- Chia Fung: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Chi-Fung, ambassador without portfolio from the ancient kingdom of Lo-Pu. This is my associate, our minister of the interior, Madame Wu.
- Madame Wu: Wu.
- Chia Fung: She's overwrought. We spent last night at the Holiday Inn. It was so hot we had to open the windows, but the windows don't open. There was glass everywhere.
- Henry Strand: Why does he have to knit?
- Seymour Strand: Why do you collect pictures of people in dumb uniforms holding bats?
- Seymour Strand: I need a quiet house to concentrate, Dad.
- Henry Strand: Remind me to check his birth certificate, those aren't MY genes talking.
- Ellen Strand: What a nasty thing to say about your only son, and didn't he knit you that lovely sweater?
- Henry Strand: It's WARM, I'm COLD!
- Seymour Strand: If you ask me, I think it committed suicide.
- Henry Strand: That DOG led a marvelous life!
- Ellen Strand: Oh of course it did, Seymour is only joking.
- Seymour Strand: I'm surprised it didn't leave a note.
- Seymour Strand: Seymour's hungry, Seymourlama demands a hamburger, fries, onion rings, ketchup, now! Get me my food! Bring me my bowl, get me my...
- Ellen Strand: [crowding in on him] Is his insurance paid up?
- Henry Strand: He's got 2, 3, weeks, of intensive care.