That '70s Show (TV Series)

Bring It on Home (2003)

Ashton Kutcher: Michael Kelso

Quotes 

• Fez : You know, I have been called many names since coming to this country, but I have never been treated like that before.

  Michael Kelso : You know, Fez, unfortunately, there are some people in this world that are gonna judge you on the color of your skin, or your funny accent, or that girly little way you run. But, you know what? You're not alone. Why do you think the Martians won't land here? 'Cause they're green and they know people are gonna make fun of them.

  Fez : You said it, brother! I just wish that there was someplace in the world where prejudice didn't exist.

  Michael Kelso : Well, that's Canada. Yup, good ol' Canada. They don't make generalizations about people 'cause they're too busy playing hockey, or gettin' drunk and putting maple syrup on their ham.

  Nina : [Nina enters]  Fez, we need to talk.

  Michael Kelso : Hey! He might not be from this country, but he's beautiful, damn it !

  Fez : Nina, our relationship is over. My self respect demands it, and there's nothing you can say to make me change my mind.

  Nina : Fez, my parents are jerks and I want to get back at them by doing it with you on their bed.

  Fez : Except that. Thanks, Kelso!

  [Kelso raises his fist in support as Fez and Nina leave] 

• Steven Hyde : This just in: Your weirdo boyfriend sleeps in the nude.

  Donna Pinciotti : Yeah? So? I do too.

  Michael Kelso : Oh, yeah!

  Fez : Oh, I can see it now. And it is glorious!

  [looks around nervously] 

  Fez : Excuse me.

  [he runs out] 

• Michael Kelso : [on hearing about Fez's predicament with Nina's parents]  You mean, it wasn't because you're so weird? It's because you're foreign? So, you could have been as pretty as me and they still wouldn't have liked you - that is *so shallow* of them!

• Michael Kelso : I have a question. If Hyde was in Hyde's bed, and Jackie was in Hyde's bed, what exactly was going on in said bed?

  Steven Hyde : Nothing. She needed a place to sleep.

  Michael Kelso : Needed a place to sleep! Well, a bed is an interesting choice now, wouldn't you say?

• Fez : Oh, please! I'm a hot-looking, smooth-talking, frisky-ass son of a bitch!

  Eric : Hey, Fez, right there! That's like... that's like, a really weird thing to say.

  Michael Kelso : Yeah! I mean, we're used to you, but dude, you're weird!