- Steven Hyde: Why can't we do something fun? Like drive up to the border and throw stuff at the Canadians. They never fight back because... they're Canadians.
- Jackie Burkhart: Oh, everything is set for the party tonight! Oh, and Fez, I need you to get there a little early so you can park everyone's cars.
- Fez: Sorry, Jackie, I can't make it.
- Jackie Burkhart: What?
- Fez: Yeah. Kelso and I have to find an apartment tonight, or Red is going to kill me in my sleep.
- Michael Kelso: Yeah, and I can't let Fez go alone.
- Jackie Burkhart: Why not?
- Michael Kelso: 'Cause then I'll have to go to your party, which I don't want to do.
- Steven Hyde: Oh, no, no. Kelso, you have to go. If you're not there, and Fez is not there, it's gonna be pretty damn obvious that I'm not there.
- Jackie Burkhart: Okay, Steven. I understand you don't like dinner parties, but just let me make my case.
- [Jackie kicks Hyde's ankle]
- Steven Hyde: [winces painfully] Ohh!
- Jackie Burkhart: [firmly] You're going!
- Michael Kelso: We found one place yesterday that was perfect, but we can't get it 'cause Fez and the landlord are having a feud.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Well, you're not spending another night under my roof. So, come on. We're gonna have a chat with this landlord. What's this guy got against you anyway?
- Fez: I don't know. That's like asking you why you hate commies. You don't know why. You just do.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: I know exactly why I hate commies. They wouldn't stop shooting at me!