- Kitty Forman: [Everybody is packed inside the car] Do you have to breathe so much? It's like a sauna in here!
- Eric Forman: Alright, you heard the lady! No more breathing!
- Kitty Forman: I didn't tell you not to breathe, I asked you not to breathe as much. There's a difference.
- Fez: [to Red] For crazy people...
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Hey, Ali Baba! Close sesame!
- Steven Hyde: Red, you missed the exit.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Oh, damn! Eric, you're supposed to be watching the map! What are you doing?
- Eric Forman: [Eric holds up the map, which he has folded into a crown] Making you a crown, because you're King of the Road!
- Fez: I need to go to the bathroom.
- Steven Hyde: Can you turn up the radio?
- Michael Kelso: [Playing his video game] First down... Touchdown!
- Kitty Forman: WILL YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP!
- Kitty Forman: OK, that's it!
- [Snatches Kelso's game and throws it out the window]
- Kitty Forman: What's the matter with you, were you dropped on your head?
- Michael Kelso: [Indignantly] Yes, I WAS! But, up until now, everyone's had the good grace not to mention it!
- Eric Forman: You love Marquette and I've made my peace with that. So, we're just gonna go to different colleges, drift away and make out with guys named Ted because these are things we can't change. You're gonna get menopause and I'm gonna die!
- Donna Pinciotti: Eric, I'm not going to Marquette.
- Eric Forman: Oh. Well, never mind.
- Donna Pinciotti: I loved it there and was so excited to tell you about it, but the drive took forever and I realized that's how far we would be from each other all the time, so I'm going to UW.
- Eric Forman: Oh, Donna.
- Donna Pinciotti: Eric, isn't this great? We're going to be together all the time!
- Eric Forman: You're not going to get all clingy?
- Donna Pinciotti: [playfully] Shut up!
- Eric Forman: I mean, I'm going to be a big college man.
- Donna Pinciotti: Uh-huh...
- Eric Forman: I'm gonna need my space.
- Donna Pinciotti: I have a bad feeling about this weekend. Going away to different colleges...
- Eric Forman: There's an upside. When we get together, it's going to be electric.
- Donna Pinciotti: I'm serious. What if we go to different schools for three years? We'll never see each other.
- Eric Forman: Then, summer break, you better board up your windows because here comes Hurricane Eric!
- Donna Pinciotti: What are my windows, and wouldn't you want them open?
- Eric Forman: We go to different schools now, and we make it through it because our love is strong, like a burly bear. Zip up your tent because this bear has claws!
- Donna Pinciotti: Again, wouldn't you want my tent open?
- Eric Forman: [as everyone is getting into the car] Mom seems to have cheered up.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Don't be fooled. At any minute it can strike.
- Michael Kelso: Wait up!
- Reginald "Red" Forman: What do you want?
- Michael Kelso: The explanation is pinned to my lapel.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: [Opens the envelope and reads the note, out loud] "Dear Mr. Forman: Mr. Kelso and I are unable to take Michael to UW. Here's thirty bucks so he can go with you.". Where's the thirty bucks?
- Michael Kelso: I used it to pay for this electronic football game.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: I swear to God, Kelso, you make Eric look like Einstein!
- Eric Forman: Thank you, Daddy.
- Michael Kelso: [to Eric] Thank you? Einstein was ugly!
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Before we hit the road, we need to talk about the horrible thing that has taken over your mother.
- Eric Forman: Oh, you mean her "change of life"?
- Steven Hyde: I thought we were calling it "the lady parts problem".
- Reginald "Red" Forman: It goes by many names, it's a tricky enemy. I haven't been this frosty since Korea, and like a Commie, it can jump out at any moment and attack.
- Kitty Forman: [off-screen] Red, honey?
- Steven Hyde: Take cover!
- Eric Forman: Retreat!
- Eric Forman: So, I told my girlfriend we could go to different schools. Everyone does that, right?
- Lisa: My boyfriend and I have been going to different schools for three years, and now, we love each other more than ever.
- Eric Forman: And I bet when you get together, it's like a thunderstorm!
- Ted: [to Lisa] Hey, pretty lady!
- [Lisa kisses Ted]
- Eric Forman: Excuse me, hello? Didn't you just say you have a boyfriend?
- Lisa: Yeah, but he's not here.
- Eric Forman: [to Hyde] I told Donna we could go to different schools. If Donna doesn't hate Marquette, we're screwed!
- Steven Hyde: Who cares, man? I just turned down a half-drunk college chick! I'm pretty sure she could do stuff!
- Melanie: That is a great beard. I've never made out with a guy with a beard before.
- Steven Hyde: Well, today is your lucky day.
- Melanie: You want to go up to my room?
- Steven Hyde: Absolutely!
- [Melanie takes Hyde's arm, but he doesn't move]
- Steven Hyde: Actually, I can't.
- Melanie: If you change your mind, me and a few of the other girls will be in the shower.
- [she leaves]
- Fez: [to Melanie] I can go! My name is Fez! Don't pretend you don't see me!
- Steven Hyde: What did I just do, man? I turned down a sure thing because of Jackie!
- Fez: And you don't know what she's doing at Marquette. Or who.
- Steven Hyde: Shut up!
- Fez: I bet if she was doing it, you would cry, because you love her.
- Steven Hyde: If you don't shut up, you're gonna become the first person to touch his chin to his ass!
- Fez: Have you been spying on me?
- Steven Hyde: Mrs. Forman, college isn't for me. I do my learning on the streets.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Steven, you're a smart kid. If you apply yourself, you can go to college, too.
- Steven Hyde: You don't trust me alone around the house?
- Reginald "Red" Forman: See how smart you are?
- Kitty Forman: My baby boy is all grown up and off visiting college. I am *so* frickin old!
- Eric Forman: And menopause makes another unwelcome appearance at the dinner table.
- Eric Forman: There's my favorite co-ed! You all ready to go?
- Donna Pinciotti: I can't go. My Dad's making me go to Marquette. He says it's a better school. Oh, and because it sounds French.
- Eric Forman: Well, if it's a better school, I should go, too. Right, Dad?
- Reginald "Red" Forman: No. State schools are cheap. That's where you belong.
- Eric Forman: Can't you take out a second mortgage on the house?
- Reginald "Red" Forman: [Red and Hyde laugh] Not for you, dumbass!
- Reginald "Red" Forman: [Fez has just helped load the luggage into the back of the Vista Cruiser] Thanks for the help. You seem to have a natural talent for handling luggage.
- Donna Pinciotti: [to Jackie] Why am I going to a school I don't even like? I should've gone to UW with Eric and I should've laughed at his thunderstorm jokes. I bet those sluts at UW will laugh at his jokes. Sluts!
- Ted: Visitors Week is great! There's a dorm party, tons of beer, tons of chicks...
- Steven Hyde: Hey, man. All I need is one beer and two chicks.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: [reading the campus map] There's got to be at least one all-male dormitory on this campus. Here we go. Between the chapel and School of Interior Design.
- Donna Pinciotti: Donna
- [on the phone]
- Donna Pinciotti: Eric?
- Eric Forman: You hate Marquette, so I think it's safe to cross it right off the list.
- Donna Pinciotti: Actually I love it! There's this English professor, he wears a beret and a corduroy jacket, but he listens to Zeppelin!
- Eric Forman: Well, UW has a vending machine.
- [pauses]
- Eric Forman: Donna, I love you.
- Donna Pinciotti: I love you. 'Bye.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: [to Eric] You gonna cry, too?
- [Kitty's at the foot of the bed, watching TV and crying]
- Eric Forman: [Red and Eric talk while Kitty sits at the foot of the bed, crying]
- [about Donna and Marquette]
- Eric Forman: She loves it there.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: We're *all* screwed! You think I want to be here, nursing my lunatic wife from the brink? And even if by some glimmer of hope you hang on to Donna, eventually she's going to turn into *that*, and then a few years later you die.
- Eric Forman: [sarcastically] Thanks for the bedtime story.
- Kitty Forman: What a wonderful weekend! We should go away more often.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: [to Hyde and Fez] They gotta make a pill for this.
- Fez: Hyde, I meant to tell you...
- [reciting the rhyme]
- Fez: Hyde and Jackie sitting in a tree, making love like two monkeys.
- Steven Hyde: Will you shut up, man! That's not even how it goes.
- Fez: Is it making you mad?
- Steven Hyde: Yeah.
- Fez: Then, that's how it goes.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: [about UW] What is this place? Barefoot hippies playing Frisbee, barefoot hippies singing to trees...
- Michael Kelso: This place is awesome! Look, they've even got dirty cartoons on the wall!
- Steven Hyde: Kelso, those are CPR instructions.
- Michael Kelso: I've done CPR a *lot*.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: What do you want?
- Michael Kelso: Once again, the explanation is pinned to my lapel.
- Reginald "Red" Forman: [opens the envelope, reads the note out loud] "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Forman: Please give Michael thirty dollars for the game you threw out the window and broke. Signed, my parents".
- [Kitty laughs]
- Reginald "Red" Forman: Well, you made her laugh. That's worth thirty bucks.
- Michael Kelso: [peeking into the girls bathroom] This is your CPR instructor! I'm gonna need to check your lung capacities!
- [to Red, who he thinks is Eric, Fez and Hyde]
- Michael Kelso: That means their boobs.
- Eric Forman: [about UW] This place is great! I wish Donna were here.
- [a towel-clad college girl walks past]
- Eric Forman: My God, will you look at that!
- Michael Kelso: We just saw college butt!
- [pause]
- Michael Kelso: On a girl!