- D.I. Derek Grim: It's war out there, mate, war. And the bleeding kids are winning.
- Inspector Raymond Fowler: It's not war, Derek, or anything of the sort. The vast majority of young people are law-abiding citizens. I admit we don't like them, but if it were illegal to be sex-mad, tone deaf and impossible to understand, we should have to arrest the entire population of France.
- Brigadier Blaster Sump: Here's your gear. You'll find everything you could possibly need from lavatory paper to sand paper. Don't confuse the two! I did myself once. Not a wholly unpleasant experience, but then I went to Charterhouse.
- Inspector Raymond C. Fowler: [about youth and crime, Const. Habib is standing nearby] It really is very depressing isn't it? I just want to show a few youngsters that innocent pastimes can be fun too. I mean I didn't need drink and drugs to have a good time when I was their age. I had Meccano. Ecstasy? I'll tell you what ecstasy is; completing a scale model of the Forth Bridge, that's what ecstasy is. It makes me sad to see these children today with their drugs and sex and music. They'll never know the joy a young lad can have sitting alone in his room, with his tool in his hand, tightening his little nuts.
- [Habib laughs then pretends to cough]
- Inspector Raymond C. Fowler: Sounds like you got a cough coming on there Constable.
- Inspector Raymond Fowler: [about U.S. police equipment] Those telegraph poles that American officers carry are just so much macho posturing. The traditional truncheon is perfectly adequate. Personally I've always felt more than satisfied with fourteen inches hanging down inside my trouser leg.
- [Habib chuckles, he glares at her]
- Inspector Raymond Fowler: Have I said something amusing Constable Habib?
- W.P.C. Maggie Habib: [smiling innocently] No sir.
- Inspector Raymond Fowler: Then you will oblige me by wiping that silly grin off your face.