Titus (TV Series)

After Mrs. Shafter (2002)

Stacy Keach: Ken Titus

Quotes 

• [to Perry] 

  Ken Titus : Shouldn't you be out there dancing with the construction worker, the cop, and the Indian?

• Ken Titus : First Perry and I need to *talk*. You and me, outside.

  Perry : Oh, you want some of this? You don't want NONE of this! No no no!

  Ken Titus : [Mocking Perry's tone]  I'll kick your ass. You want me to kick your ass? I'll kick your ass. Get ready for some fruit salad!

• Ken Titus : There are going to be three hits: me hitting you, you hitting the floor, and then you hitting on the paramedic.

• Ken Titus : What do you do when you want Erin to shut her pie hole?

  Christopher Titus : [not realizing Erin has just walked up behind him]  I just tune her out. I go, "uh uh. Uh huh. Uh huh." So she says, "You're not listening to me, so I'm going to stop talking."

  Erin Fitzpatrick : Christopher?

  Christopher Titus : Yeah?

  [Titus glances at Erin, and realizes his mistake] 

  Christopher Titus : Well, I certainly won't be doing *that* anymore.

• Ken Titus : [after Dave suggests a compromise to Faye's relationships with both Ken and Perry]  So, uh, I don't have to write any more songs, I don't have to steal any more poems off the Internet? All I have to do is have sex and drink?

  Faye : Yes.

  Ken Titus : Why haven't I done this all my life?

  Christopher Titus : You did, Dad. Five times.

  Ken Titus : But they weren't in on it!

• Perry : [entering Faye's house]  Hello?

  Faye : Perry!

  Erin Fitzpatrick : Mr. Shafter!

  Tommy Shafter : Dad?

  Ken Titus : Homo!

• Tommy Shafter : [challenging Ken to a fight]  Mr. Titus, let's go. You and me.

  [Tommy searches his pants for his brass knuckles, then remembers Erin took them away] 

  Tommy Shafter : Oh, right. They're gone.

  Ken Titus : I could have told you that.

• Ken Titus : Thirty years I felt something for Faye, but her husband was always in the picture. But now, I got a shot, since he's decided he likes the man-butt.