Titus (TV Series)
Dad's Dead (2000)
Christopher Titus: Christopher Titus
Photos
Quotes
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[after Titus tries to get Tommy to discover Ken's "dead" body]
Tommy Shafter : I don't want to see Mr. Titus like that. He was like a father to me.
Christopher Titus : Yeah, he was "like" a father to all of us.
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Dave Scouvel : Titus stole a federal mailbox.
Christopher Titus : I was drunk... and it was giving me attitude.
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Christopher Titus : [about his psychotic ex-girlfriend] She was a five-foot, one hundred pound Jewish girl. And I still haven't forgiven the Jewish people.
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Christopher Titus : What do you mean "dad is dead"?
Dave Scouvel : [stammering] I... think... dad is dead!
Christopher Titus : Not a lot of grey area here, Dave. Dead, not dead. Is there a pulse?
Dave Scouvel : I don't know.
Christopher Titus : I have taken half a day off work! There better be a corpse! I mean... what makes you think he's dead?
Dave Scouvel : He's been in his room for four days now.
Christopher Titus : Right, and?
Dave Scouvel : Without getting a beer.
Christopher Titus : Oh my God.
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[Dave is reluctant to see if Ken is dead]
Dave Scouvel : I'm not going in there. I'll be scarred for life.
Christopher Titus : Dave, you've been living with the man since you were eight. You ARE scarred for life!
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Christopher Titus : My mom is crazy. I don't mean "My mom is craaazy!" I mean "We the jury find the defendant..." She was diagnosed a manic-depressive, schizophrenic and admitted to a mental care facility. Or, as Dad so eloquently put it...
Ken Titus : Son, your mom is shacked up in the whacko basket. Cookie?
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Erin Fitzpatrick : So what makes you think he's dead?
Dave Scouvel : Well, he's been in his room for four days now.
Erin Fitzpatrick : Right, and?
Christopher Titus : Without getting a beer.
Erin Fitzpatrick : [shocked] Oh my God!
Christopher Titus , Dave Scouvel : Yeah.
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Erin Fitzpatrick : So I'm sitting in a meeting when my pager goes off with a message. It says "Dad's dead." So I race out of the meeting and drive all the way to Santa Maria because, naturally, I think "MY DAD'S DEAD"!
Christopher Titus : Honey, your dad is *not* dead.
Erin Fitzpatrick : [with dry sarcasm] Yeah, I know that now.
[back to normal]
Erin Fitzpatrick : Because if he were, what I walked in on my mother doing to him would be so... *sick*.