Titus (TV Series)
Grandma Titus (2002)
Christopher Titus: Christopher Titus
Quotes
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Dave Scouvel : Adam and I could've surfed together. He could've taught me how to play the piano.
Christopher Titus : Dave, stop!
Dave Scouvel : I bet Adam would've let me sleep with Erin!
Christopher Titus : Hey, no way! Erin never would've went out with Adam, bec...
[realizes]
Christopher Titus : THERE'S NO ADAM!
Dave Scouvel : Don't you sully his memory!
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Grandma Titus : Who are you?
Christopher Titus : I'm George Washington, Grandma.
Grandma Titus : Whore-monger.
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Grandma Titus : You know, you're the best grandson. I guess, I... I don't know you from Adam.
Dave Scouvel : Who's Adam? Did we have another brother?
Christopher Titus : [sarcastically] Yeah, Dave. We had another brother. He was a Siamese twin. You were seperated at birth, and now he works at a freak show.
Dave Scouvel : I knew it!
[feels his side]
Dave Scouvel : Appendix scar, my ass!
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Grandma Titus : [hitting Titus with a ruler] Get out of here! Bad man! Bad man! Bad man! BAD!
Christopher Titus : Not bad man. Good man! Grandson!
Grandma Titus : My grandson is dead.
Christopher Titus : I'm your grandson.
Grandma Titus : So, you're dead?
Christopher Titus : I'm obviously alive.
Grandma Titus : Oh, then you're not my grandson!
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Kid : Hey, man. Way to go, bringing up her poor, dead grandson!
Christopher Titus : I *am* her dead grandson!
Grandma Titus : You've got the reefer madness!
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Grandma Titus : Oh, you think you've got backbone, boy! That's because you've never crossed me!
Ken Titus : Well, bring it on, Gram-gram!
Grandma Titus : You're nuts! Just like your mother! I have just two words for you; shock therapy.
Christopher Titus : [scared] Dad, Gram-gram bad.
Ken Titus : All right, all right. That is it! you know something, Mom. You have abused me, my whole life, but you do not abuse my son!
Christopher Titus : Yeah, *he* does that!
Ken Titus : Yeah!
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[first lines]
Christopher Titus : Humans are born, weak and helpless. We're cursed with natural predators called parents. That's why the grandma was created. To protect us. Oh sure, she's old and frail. But she can kick your dad's ass.
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[last lines]
Christopher Titus : Humans are born, small, weak and helpless. That's why we have family. And the elders of the family are the honoured guardians of our country's history. Unfortunately, in America, we, you know, lock those elders away out of view in nursing homes and go about our little lives. It's a great national shame and an irredeemable tragedy. Oh well.