Stacy Keach: Ken Titus

Quotes 

• Ken Titus : I wish you were still in my loins. I wish you'd never grown in your mother's womb. You should've been fetal research! You're dead to me! Dead!

• [Ken has just proposed to Kat] 

  Ken Titus : It's important I get it right this time. After you screw things up with Erin, you'll understand.

  Christopher Titus : I am not going to screw things up with Erin, because I don't marry every woman I have sex with!

  Erin Fitzpatrick : Excuse me?

  Christopher Titus : [realizing what his comment sounded like]  I didn't mean it like that.

  Ken Titus : You see? You see? You're screwing it up right now!

  Erin Fitzpatrick : So you have no intention of marrying me?

  Christopher Titus : [trying to get focused back on Ken]  No, I'll marry you!

  Erin Fitzpatrick : Oh, nice, you sound so excited about it.

  Christopher Titus : Honey, can I stop this man from making his sixth mistake before you and I talk about our first?

  [Titus again realizes what his comment sounded like] 

  Christopher Titus : Marriage!

  [metaphorically grasping for something to hold onto] 

  Christopher Titus : I love you!

• Tommy Shafter : We all know about your little tet-a-tet with Nurse Kathy.

  Ken Titus : [to Christopher and Dave]  Why is he always talking in some kind of gay code?

  Tommy Shafter : I am not gay. And they don't have a code.

  Ken Titus : How would you know that if you're not gay?

  Tommy Shafter : [in tantrum-ish manner]  I am not gay!

  [Tommy realizes what he just did] 

  Tommy Shafter : [acting masculine]  I'm gonna go help the girls in the kitchen.

• Christopher Titus : [Kathy throws the gang out for agitating Ken]  Me? YOU'RE the one having sex with him. You're agitating him!

  Nurse Kathy : That's what you know. I'm always on TOP!

  Christopher Titus : [in Neutral Space, Titus is rocking in his chair, horrified, with his hands over his ears, singing]  The firrrrrst noellllll...

  Nurse Kathy : [as she mimes riding a horse in front of a horrified Titus, Dave, Erin and Tommy]  THAT'S RIGHT BABY! RIDING HIGH!

  Ken Titus : [puts arm around Kathy]  Look at me, I'm a cowboy!