- Johnny Carson: [on Governor Ronald Reagan dealing with spiraling food prices] According to the governor, he is against a food boycott - because he said food prices are an act of God. Which, I understand, Ronnie may run for that office in '76.
- Johnny Carson: Look at the band - they're getting the horns up like, you know, they're gonna...
- Tommy Newsom: Uh, they're getting horny, actually.
- Brady Watt: In our Explorer post - there's an Explorer Post 431 - and they've got a couple of girls in there.
- Johnny Carson: Yeah. How do the fellows take that? Do they, uh... they think the girls are intruding, uh, too much?
- Brady Watt: No, I don't think so. They're older, anyway. They're around 15, 16.
- Johnny Carson: Oh - oh. Oh, yeah; those... Old bats like that are no fun to have around.
- Buddy Hackett: No one ever seen rabbits before - especially in, you know, a Jewish neighborhood; they didn't eat no rabbit meat. No - they wouldn't even test 'em for nothin'... They used Jewish animals - a mink!
- Buddy Hackett: I had so many damn rabbits, I had to quit the Boy Scouts; I didn't have no time to do nothin'! Luckily, I knew how to make knots, and I choked 'em.
- Buddy Hackett: I can't sleep much now - I don't sleep very much. That's why I'm so smart. I'm up readin' all the time, waitin' to fall asleep. I'm a tired, smart person.
- McLean Stevenson: I was the town sissy.
- Johnny Carson: You came from a fairly well-to-do family, didn't you?
- McLean Stevenson: If I, if I'd get in trouble - yeah - Dad'd go down, beat the heck out of the neighborhood kid that picked on me, and stuff. I couldn't make a fist 'til I was 28.
- Johnny Carson: You missed a lot.
- McLean Stevenson: Yeah.
- [audience laughter over the innuendo]
- Johnny Carson: ...I mean fighting with the other kids, and everything.