- Burt Reynolds: [on his new house] Right next to Barbra Streisand. Yeah.
- Johnny Carson: You run over every morning, and borrow a cup of ego?
- Johnny Carson: [to Burt Reynolds] Would you stop that silly laughing? You're supposed to have a sexual, virile image, and you've got a laugh like Hermione Gingold.
- Johnny Carson: I would like to see women have equal rights. They should be equal to men, even if it means losing some of their power.
- Aunt Blabby: I decided to trace my family tree.
- Ed McMahon: That's interesting - tell us about your phyletic background.
- Aunt Blabby: ...The doctors cleared that up years ago. I haven't had that since '48!
- Ed McMahon: No - I meant did you go to a genealogist?
- Aunt Blabby: No! I don't like puttin' my feet up in them stirrups!
- Johnny Carson: [on Burt Reynolds' new house] Why did you need, uh, larger quarters?
- Burt Reynolds: Well, I thought maybe I might, you know, have people over or something.
- Johnny Carson: Do - do you ever have people over?
- Burt Reynolds: No, never.
- Burt Reynolds: [on public response to his recent illness] I've got about 125 Bibles - which is good, because I needed to read it, and I - I've been reading it, and I'm... I'm not gonna shove Pat Boone out of a job, but I - I do...
- Johnny Carson: I think that's very nice.
- Burt Reynolds: Have got it, and I want to thank people, and it helped. Thank you very much. And the crayon mail we won't talk about.
- Johnny Carson: You'll have a whole new image.
- Burt Reynolds: Yeah - I think so, and it's about time - 'cause you can't live up to all that other trash I was...
- Johnny Carson: Yeah, I was gonna ask you; you know, you - this super-...
- Burt Reynolds: You can't live up to that. I killed myself the other night tryin' to live up to it... You know how much a 3 looks like an 8.
- Johnny Carson: ...I - I wouldn't get entangled in that, at all.
- Jay Leno: I was a philosophy major for four years in college. Had dreams of opening a little philosophy shop when I got out... "Life is a Twinkie - five dollars."
- Jay Leno: Do you think people will care about the environment in a hundred years? I wonder if kids'll hang around, saying things like, "Remember that old shopping mall, where we used to play pinball? There's a lake there now."
- Johnny Carson: Comedians are the hardest thing to find in the entertainment business and, uh... you don't know what a spot on a show - a national show - means to somebody like that. And, uh, he came out and - and delivered. Jay Leno's his name; we're gonna have him back.