- Johnny Carson: Marvin Mitchelson claimed that when Lee Marvin said, "I love you," and then said he didn't mean it, that is fraud. Look, everybody knows when a man says, "I love you," it is not fraud - it's temporary insanity.
- Johnny Yune: I went to speech teacher. I said, "How can I get rid of my accent fast?" He said, "Go back to Korea."
- Johnny Yune: Recently, Russian newspaper Pravda ran a contest for best political joke. First prize got twenty years.
- Charlton Heston: [on doing a failed play with Laurence Olivier] I said, "Well, I guess you have to have to learn to, uh, dismiss the bad notices." And he said, "Chuck," he said, "that's easy." He said, "What you have to do - which is much more important - is to learn to dismiss the good ones."
- Jack Douglas: [on turning away solicitors from his Northridge home] I put a little sign outside the gate - said Northridge Lion Farm.
- Johnny Carson: I remember.
- Jack Douglas: And I had a, uh, loudspeaker with - you know, every once in a while you'd hear a lion. We weren't bothered very much.