Mary McCarty: Clara 'Starch' Willoughby, R. N.

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Clara 'Starch' Willoughby, R. N. : [Trapper is asleep, dreaming of his days in the 4077th MASH Unit, when into the room bursts his chief nurse]  Choppers! Let's go! Let's go, Trapper! On the double! Up! Up! Up! Wake up, Trapper! The choppers are dumping casualties all over us.

  Trapper John McIntyre : [Mumbling, half-asleep]  Oh, choppers. Hawkeye? Radar, where's Hawkeye?

  Clara 'Starch' Willoughby, R. N. : Hey, that was almost thirty years ago. This isn't Korea, it's San Francisco. A hotel just blew up, gas line exploded or something. Let's go, emergency needs all the help it can get.

  Trapper John McIntyre : Did you call Dial-a-Doctor? I was in surgery all night.

  Clara 'Starch' Willoughby, R. N. : So was I. We spent the night together, remember?

  Trapper John McIntyre : Shocking. We're not even engaged.

• Trapper John McIntyre : [Discussing Gonzo]  The kid is completely irresponsible. He has absolutely no regard for rules or regulations.

  Clara 'Starch' Willoughby, R. N. : Just like you way back in Korea thirty years ago.

  Trapper John McIntyre : What are you talking about?

  Clara 'Starch' Willoughby, R. N. : When did you ever respect army regulations?

  Trapper John McIntyre : That was different.

  Clara 'Starch' Willoughby, R. N. : Oh, no, it wasn't different, Trapper. You were different. You were younger, crazier. You weren't afraid of anything in those days.

  Trapper John McIntyre : What am I afraid of now?

  Clara 'Starch' Willoughby, R. N. : Gonzo. He acts like you did when you were his age. I think you're afraid to be young again.

  Trapper John McIntyre : Two kids in college and an ex-wife collecting alimony, I can't afford to be young again.

• Clara 'Starch' Willoughby, R. N. : Well, here's Gonzo's application. He got his medical degree in the army, spent three years in Vietnam with a MASH Unit.

  Trapper John McIntyre : MASH? Well, no wonder.

  Clara 'Starch' Willoughby, R. N. : Right. You need a man like that. He's got the training for emergency work. And if he handled a knife any better he'd be in politics.

  Trapper John McIntyre : Well, if he wants to work for me, he'll have to show some respect for the rules.

  Clara 'Starch' Willoughby, R. N. : The way you did in Korea, right?

  Trapper John McIntyre : Alright, alright, get off my back. Tell him to come in here.

  Clara 'Starch' Willoughby, R. N. : He said he can be reached at his home aboard the Titanic.

  Trapper John McIntyre : The what?

  Clara 'Starch' Willoughby, R. N. : [Indicating an old RV in the parking lot]  That is the Titanic.

  Trapper John McIntyre : Well, tell the Titanic it's time to meet the iceberg.

  Clara 'Starch' Willoughby, R. N. : You tell him. I'm on a lunch break.