WKRP in Cincinnati (TV Series)

Frog Story (1981)

Jan Smithers: Bailey Quarters

Quotes 

• Bailey Quarters : Herb has a sick frog.

  Les Nessman : I beg your pardon?

  Bailey Quarters : [suppressing a giggle]  Well... well it seems that this frog... Herb, you better tell him.

  Herb Tarlek : [getting up from his desk carrying the shoebox containing the frog]  His name's Greenpeace, Les... and he's pink, so don't look at him and tell me he's pink, 'cause I already told you he's pink, okay? I accidentally spray painted him. There he is.

  [Herb takes the lid off the shoebox which he hands to Les, who looks long and hard inside] 

  Les Nessman : Ooooooh. He's pink!

• Herb Tarlek : [about the sick frog]  Well, he's pink, Andy. So don't look at him and tell me he's pink, because I already told you he's pink, okay? I accidentally spray painted him. There he is.

  [Herb takes the lid off the shoebox which he hands to Andy] 

  Andy Travis : You did what?

  Herb Tarlek : I spray-painted him.

  Andy Travis : You painted your car?

  Herb Tarlek : [shaking his head negatively]  Cabinets.

  Andy Travis : Oh, good. What's his name?

  Herb Tarlek : Greenpeace.

  Andy Travis : Looks like Pinkpeace.

  [Bailey starts to laugh uncontrollably] 

  Herb Tarlek : My daughter named him after the people who, you know, go around saving little baby seals and whales and stuff. I mean, she's just a little kid, but she's an environmentalist.

  Bailey Quarters : I think that's wonderful, Herb.

  Herb Tarlek : Well, Bailey, don't you see how bad this is gonna look? I mean, I've almost killed this innocent product of nature with toxic chemicals. My daughter's gonna hate me forever.

• Herb Tarlek : [as Bailey looks into the box]  He's not dead, Bailey, he's just resting, that's... that's all.

  Bailey Quarters : I know. I did not say he was dead, Herb, I just said he looks a little pathetic.

  [pokes at frog] 

  Bailey Quarters : Won't the paint come off?

  Les Nessman : [entering]  Morning.

  Bailey Quarters : Morning, Les. Herb has a sick frog.

  Les Nessman : I beg your pardon?

  Bailey Quarters : Well, he...

  [tries to stifle laughter] 

  Bailey Quarters : Uh, it seems that this frog...

  [can't help giggling] 

  Bailey Quarters : Herb, you'd better tell him.

  [giggles some more] 

  Herb Tarlek : [gets up from desk, brings shoe-box]  His name's Greenpeace, Les, and he's pink. So don't look at him and tell me he's pink, because I already told you he's pink, okay? I accidentally spray-painted him. Here he is.

  Les Nessman : Hmm. He's pink! Hi, there, Greenpeace, you look like a cute little froggie.

  [notices:] 

  Les Nessman : He doesn't move around much.

  Bailey Quarters : He's a very sick frog, Les.

  Les Nessman : Oh, I see. What shall we do?

  Herb Tarlek : I don't want to hear it, Les.

  Les Nessman : Why?

  Herb Tarlek : It's bad luck to take advice from insane people.

  Les Nessman : I've never heard that.

• Jennifer Marlowe : Andy's right, Herb. Tell her the truth. The frog is dead, and death is the natural unavoidable conclusion to all things.

  Bailey Quarters : You know, Herb, I guess, I guess we all think about death. I went to the beach this summer, and I watched the waves. Now, a wave is a wave, but only for a second, and then it's over. But the water continues to exist. It's just not a wave anymore.

  Arthur Carlson : It's... it's a lovely thought, I...

  Bailey Quarters : Thank you.

  Herb Tarlek : Well, it's getting pretty heavy for me around here. I think I'll just go on home.