Michael Rapaport: Dave Gold

Quotes 

• Dave Gold : Political correctness. What retard... Excuse me. What mentally challenged moron thought up that idea? Everyone's so sensitive nowadays. My dad always says, "Dave, when I was your age, there was no such thing as African-Americans, Asian-Americans or "Native Americans. There was just "Americans." And the Blacks, Puerto Ricans, and the Italians."

• Dave Gold : Hey, Larry, here. Come on. Barbecue with me.

  Larry Gold : Why?

  Dave Gold : Because it's something we could do together.

  Larry Gold : Oh. Am I being punished?

• Vicky Gold : Isn't this nice? We should really appreciate these moments because before you know it, the kids'll be off to college.

  Omar : I'm kinda hoping Taye gets into Yale. That's where I went.

  Dave Gold : Yeah, well, at this point, we're just hoping Hillary graduates high school.

• Dave Gold : [to Omar]  Well, you do have to admit that there are probably less black people applying to Yale. Right? So, I'd imagine that they'd probably have to keep a certain number of spots open for you guys.

  Omar : What are you saying, I got into Yale because of affirmative action? Because I have never gotten any advantage for being black, not one.

  Dave Gold : No, I didn't say anything about affirmative action. Did I say anything about that? Come on, it's not like I was calling you a token.

  Omar : A what? You think I'm a token?

  Dave Gold : No, no, no, I said you weren't a token. Don't be so sensitive, Omar.

  Omar : Oh, so now I'm an overly sensitive token. Okay. You know what? I've had enough. I think we should go.

  Vicky Gold : No, no, it's okay.

  Dave Gold : No, no, no, Vicky. If he wants to go, let him go. He said he didn't even want to come here today. You know, I think he might be a little bit of a racist.

• Dave Gold : [about Hillary]  Why is she still going out with Taye? Enough is enough already.

  Vicky Gold : Is this because he's black?

  Dave Gold : What? No. What are you talking about? I... I don't see black or white. I only see people, okay? People who want to have sex with my daughter, and people who don't. And this one does. I'm telling you, he's way too experienced for her.

  Vicky Gold : How do you know that?

  Dave Gold : Because she thinks he's a cool kid and cool kids have sex. I know this because I was a cool kid and I don't want Hillary to be cool. I want her to be... frigid.

• Dave Gold : [to Vicky about Omar]  Why should I apologize to him?

  Vicky Gold : Because this is Hillary's boyfriend's family. And after the way you acted, I wouldn't be surprised if they never even let him see her again.

  Dave Gold : Good! Good. Then this barbecue wasn't all for nothing.

  Vicky Gold : Okay, fine. You know what? Do it. Don't do it. It's your decision.

  Dave Gold : Huh! And what? If I don't apologize, you're going to what? Like, withhold sex from me?

  Vicky Gold : No, why should I be punished? I'll have sex with you, but don't expect me to talk to you.

  Dave Gold : You know, sex with no talking, that's, uh, not exactly a threat, Vicky.

• [Omar has explained why he can't take Dave again to play golf] 

  Dave Gold : I'm gonna miss that Jew-hating country club.