Michael Rapaport: Dave Gold

Quotes 

• Dave Gold : My dad. He had no idea how easy he had it. Back then, if you brought home a paycheck and didn't beat your kids, you were "Father of the Year."

• Dave Gold : The truth is, my generation has no idea how this marriage-and-family thing really work because there are no rules anymore. I work, she works. I'm in charge, she's in charge. No one's in charge! It's all a big mess. Who do I blame? Mary Tyler Moore.

• Dave Gold : My wife, Vicky. Don't be fooled by the attitude. We're a team and did you check out the rack? Nice, huh?

• Dave Gold : My daughter, Hillary. By the way, I only have one simple rule for dating my teenage daughter: if she sees your penis, I'll cut it off.

• Hillary Gold : Guess what, Dad, I can lose my virginity just as easily at 4:00 in the afternoon as I can at midnight.

  Dave Gold : Oh, good to know. Your new curfew's 3:30.

• Hillary Gold : This is Taye.

  Taye : Wha'sup?

  Dave Gold : Taye. Tha... tha... that's an interesting name.

  Taye : Yeah, it's short for "Boo-tay."

• Hillary Gold : Is there a problem?

  Dave Gold : Yes!

  Hillary Gold : Is this because Taye's black?

  Dave Gold : Yes! I mean... I mean, no! I mean, I don't have a problem with you going out with a black kid, but this kid's name is Booty? I mean, he didn't get that nickname by being a good study buddy.