- Emma Valentine: What do you demand of a woman, intelligence or beauty?
- Jim West: Beauty if they're intelligent. Intelligence if they're beautiful.
- Emma Valentine: Well, Mr. West, I regard myself, not as a criminal, but as savior of all womankind.
- Jim West: Interesting... and what do women have to be saved from?
- Emma Valentine: From domination of the spirit, economic exploitation, annihilation of the mind - in brief, all the injustices wrought by men.
- [after extracting information from her computer]
- Emma Valentine: Your ideal mate, Mr. West, is a combination of Aphrodite, Helen of Troy and Lola Montez. Oh, Mr. West, I'm afraid it can't be done.
- Jim West: Well, frankly, I like to do my own shopping anyway.
- Artemus Gordon: In disguise using a Ukrainian Yiddish accent One sleeve is a foot longer than the other.
- Paul J. Lambert: So is my arm.
- Artemus Gordon: I can't help that.
- Artemus Gordon: I'm a tailor not a doctor.
- Emma Valentine: Mr West Have you ever been discovered?
- Jim West: I didn't know anyone was looking for me.