- [surveying a corpse]
- Alice Freeze: I've never done a policeman before. Isn't he a lovely sight. He's so... policeman-like.
- Varges De La Cosa: I don't see the attraction. He has skin like eggshells.
- Alice Freeze: Oh, I never meant to imply he could hold a candle to you. When you're dead, you'll be much more attractive.
- Varges De La Cosa: ...Thank you.
- [examining the "corpse" on her slab]
- Alice Freeze: Well, if that doesn't take the milk from the kitty cat!
- Brodie Hollister: What's wrong?
- Alice Freeze: I opened a bottle of my best formaldehyde - not that cheap stuff from Amarillo, but the real pure stuff all the way from Italy
- Brodie Hollister: What are you sayin', Alice?
- Alice Freeze: When you open a bottle and break the seal, you might as well throw it out. You can't very well embalm a live person.
- Brodie Hollister, Bannister Sparks: Alive!
- Elliot Thogmorton: [sticking his head in the window] Alive!
- Alice Freeze: Yeah. Look for yourself.
- Bannister Sparks: Prometheus! Bring some water. Hurry!
- Brodie Hollister: You sure he's not dead, Alice?
- Alice Freeze: If it's one thing I know, it's dead people.
- [referring to the man laid out on Alice's slab]
- Bannister Sparks: Give him some water. He's alive.
- Elliot Thogmorton: That's right, monkeykeeper. Don't just stand there - give him some water!
- [Prometheus hurls the bucket of water into Elliot's face]
- Prometheus Jones: Missed.
- [Prometheus has fallen into a trap]
- Varges De La Cosa: I think Prometheus is dead
- Prometheus Jones: [groaning] It's okay if I am. I need the rest.
- [riding into an abandoned town in pursuit of an outlaw gang]
- Varges De La Cosa: The soil is damp from blood spilled too many times.
- Bannister Sparks: Could we dispense with the guided tour of "Ghost Towns I Have Known", please?
- Brodie Hollister: Rileback? Is that you, Rileback? It's been twenty years...
- Rileback: I've been countin' 'em, too, on my fingers.
- [holds up a gloved hand showing a missing digit]
- Rileback: Thanks to you and your gun, I only get to nine and a half.
- [last lines]
- Brodie Hollister: Let's go home. I got a chair that need some sittin' in.
- Cally Oaks: Well, horsebutter! Let's look around. I bet this town has a plethora of desperado hideouts.
- Prometheus Jones: Cali, a good reporter knows when a story is over.
- Bannister Sparks: But not so fast, Prometheus. As an impoverished actor said to me recently...
- Cally Oaks, Prometheus Jones, Bannister Sparks, Brodie Hollister, Sutton Hollister, Varges De La Cosa: The opera ain't over till the fat lady sings!
- [the Wildside Chamber of Commerce has just rescued a ballet troupe from an outlaw gang]
- Bannister Sparks: Ladies and Gentlemen... and monkey, would you please exit to the rear. The show is quite definitely over.
- Dance Troupe Leader: Perhaps you're not familiar with the saying, "The opera isn't over till the fat lady sings."