- Joe Montgomery Hackett: C'mon! Let's get off this rock and go to Boston - a city where people DO something! A city where people drink for social reasons.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: Hey, anyone interested in going down to the junior high and seeing this production of "Jesus Christ Superstar"?
- Fay Evelyn Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: Oh, they canceled it. Jesus couldn't make it. He got grounded.
- Lowell Mather: Tucker and I are going on a rat shoot tonight. I'd invite you along, but you know what they say about rat shoots: Two's company, three's cross-fire.
- Roy Biggins: I can't believe this! What is a hot young stud like me doing wasting a Saturday night with you two, when I could be out with any number of beautiful women?
- Antonio Scarpacci: Let's just count how many things are wrong with that statement.