- Helen Chapel: You have a choice: you can either get your brother out of here or I will kill him and bury him in a shallow grave in the back yard!
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: I think I saw a shovel in the garage...
- Lowell Mather: That reminds me of a funny story about my uncle: one day he disappeared, and no one could find him; then somebody thought to look in his well, and there he was!
- Helen Chapel: And he was alright?
- Lowell Mather: Nope, deader than a door nail! And he was really wedged in there - it took a tow truck winch to get him out; he came out a foot taller than he went in.