Wings (TV Series)
The Customer's Usually Right (1992)
Steven Weber: Brian Michael Hackett
Quotes
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Helen Chapel : [Helen brings out a gingerbread house] Hey Brian, look what I made for our Christmas Eve!
Brian Michael Hackett : Helen, why do you always do this? Every year you make a gorgeous gingerbread house, and every year you won't let us eat it.
Helen Chapel : Well, 'cause it's so cute.
Brian Michael Hackett : Let me just have a little taste.
Helen Chapel : No.
Brian Michael Hackett : C'mon, c'mon. I'll chew you a skylight.
Helen Chapel : No. You know how the tradition works. Every Christmas Eve, we go to my place, we have a nice dinner, we watch videos. And then after you and Joe leave, I realize another year's gone by and I'm still alone, and that's when Hurricane Helen comes and sucks the roof off this baby.
Brian Michael Hackett : Must've had a real bad year. I see you've added a second story.
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Helen Chapel : So what'd you get? "Miracle on 34th Street"?
Joe Montgomery Hackett : No no, they were all out. Even the David Hartman version.
[Joe shows her the tape he rented]
Helen Chapel : "PSYCHO"?
Brian Michael Hackett : That's more of a Mother's Day film, isn't it?
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Helen Chapel : Oh, what's Joe talking about? There's plenty of good movies here. Here's one: "Trading Places".
Brian Michael Hackett : Oh hey, perfect. Yeah, comedy, Christmas-themed, just the right amount of nudity.
Helen Chapel : Brian, there's no nudity in this film.
Brian Michael Hackett : Excuse me, approximately 45 minutes in, Jamie Lee Curtis takes her top off.
Helen Chapel : Not tonight she doesn't. Oh you know, I wouldn't mind seeing this one again: "Kramer vs. Kramer". You know, it's family, it's loving, it's...
Brian Michael Hackett : JoBeth Williams naked in the hallway?
Helen Chapel : Is that all you remember from a film? Who's naked?
Brian Michael Hackett : Ah, some people go out humming a theme song. I'm more of a nudity savant. C'mon test me, test me.
[Helen holds up "Working Girl"]
Brian Michael Hackett : Ah, that is... Melanie Griffith vacuuming topless 73 minutes in.
[Helen holds up "About Last Night"]
Brian Michael Hackett : Okay, Demi Moore, kitchen scene, backlit by the refrigerator light.
[Helen holds up "Deliverance"]
Brian Michael Hackett : Ned Beatty scrambling up the hillside... Wow, talk about a mood breaker.
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Helen Chapel : [to Joe] Let's just try to have a nice evening.
Brian Michael Hackett : [to Joe] Yeah, the way we do every year. You'll eat too much, I'll drink too much, we'll lie on the floor, we'll loosen our pants...
Helen Chapel : I'll be disgusted...
Brian Michael Hackett : Right! It's Christmas!