- Jimmy: I'm just trying to have a couple of laughs with the lady here.
- Brian Michael Hackett: Well, Cindy is with my brother, Joe, now. She doesn't laugh anymore.
- Brian Michael Hackett: You know Helen, I was wondering. When we were younger, before I was a pilot, before you made that silly rule, why is it you and I never dated one another?
- Helen Chapel: Well for one, you were obnoxious.
- Brian Michael Hackett: Oh yeah. And you were, well... huge.
- Helen Chapel: That's true. But I'VE gotten thinner.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: I am not dating her, and I have no plans to.
- [to Brian]
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: You knew about this, didn't you?
- Brian Michael Hackett: Yes yes yes, I did know about it. But she's trying to change. Gail asked me to try to find Cindy someone who was nice, dependable, a real gentleman. Excuse me Joe, but I thought of you.
- Lowell Mather: Joe, let me see if I can find the words to explain it.
- [Long pause]
- Lowell Mather: Nope.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: Brian, I'm gonna take a pass on Cindy.
- Brian Michael Hackett: No, no, no, no. Joe, Joe, Joe. I'll tell you straight. If you don't go out with Cindy, then her best friend Gail doesn't go out with me. And Gail is... All right, you remember that fantasy I've had since junior high?
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: You're kidding!
- Brian Michael Hackett: I swear.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: You found a six-foot redheaded Oriental girl?
- Brian Michael Hackett: And she can COOK, Joe! God love her, she can COOK!
- Brian Michael Hackett: Let's go find some women! You do date, don't you?
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: Of course I date. What do think I am, a hermit? I went on a date just last... what month is this?
- Brian Michael Hackett: April.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: April? Really?
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: Say Brian, do you and Gail want to come by and pick us up, or should we meet at the restaurant?
- Brian Michael Hackett: Whoops, that's tonight, isn't it? Um Joe, there's been a slight change of plans. Things didn't go so well with Gail. Apparently, I drank a lot more than I thought the other night. Gail's hair's not red, she's not Oriental, and she was standing on a bar stool. So all in all, I'd say Cindy's quite a catch.
- Roy Biggins: Look Hackett, Cindy's got a certain... reputation. A lot of guys tend to drop by her place on weekends.
- Joe Montgomery Hackett: Are you telling me she's a pro?
- Roy Biggins: Shh, Hackett! Relax. She's no professional. But she's unquestionably the island's ranking amateur.
- Brian Michael Hackett: Hey Fay, how 'bout you, uh, got any plans for tonight?
- Fay Evelyn Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: Oh my yes, this is the night I thaw out food for the weekend!
- Jimmy: I'm guessing you're a Sagittarius...
- Helen Chapel: And I'm guessing you never graduated high school.
- Roy Biggins: [to Fay, sourly] Haven't you ever had a bad day?
- Fay Evelyn Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: Not yet. But I bet you'll be there when I do.