Women of the House (TV Series)

Miss Sugarbaker Goes to Washington (1995)

Teri Garr: Sissy Emerson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Natalie Hollingsworth : There is no such thing as a little mistake in Washington. Even a tiny little thing can be made into a great big thing. I mean, it doesn't matter that George Bush was never mystified by a supermarket scanner or that Bill Clinton's haircut never held up any airplanes. All that matters is that it's repeated over and over again until it becomes fact and/or it sells enough newspapers and the retractions are printed on page 78. You tell her, Emerson, you're a reporter.

  Sissy Emerson : It's true, look at what they did to poor old Betty Ford. For 40 years they told the world that she was a cold, brittle, humorless woman, and then on the day they buried her, they stood atop her grave and said, "Oh by the way, she was really very warm and funny."

  Natalie Hollingsworth : That was Pat Nixon.

  Sissy Emerson : Oh, what's the difference?

  Natalie Hollingsworth : The difference is Pat Nixon is the one who died and Betty Ford is the one who has the clinic where you're going.

• Jennifer Malone : Listen to this.

  [Malone reads a passage from the newspaper to Suzanne Sugarbaker and her colleagues] 

  Jennifer Malone : "Considering the flamboyant, zaftig Miss Sugarbaker's ample cleavage and her breathless assurances that she is, quote, 'too rich to steal,' it was difficult to tell if she was playing Miss Kitty or Miss Ellie from The Beverly Hillbillies."

  Sissy Emerson : You know, basically there are four things they really hate in this town. The newly rich, happy people, movie stars and hicks. You never had a chance.

• Sissy Emerson : Men are so stupid.

  [Malone stares at her] 

  Sissy Emerson : Something wrong?

  Jennifer Malone : No, I was just waiting for you to finish the sentence.

  Sissy Emerson : No, I find that makes a very nice icebreaker just as it is. Of course, if you'd like me to elaborate, I could talk about the pantyhose I'm wearing which were purchased by my ex-boyfriend who never really did catch on that those charts aren't accurate. So now I'm walking around with a crotch at knee-level, looking like a penguin trying to catch an elevator.

• Sissy Emerson : Look, I am a little tired of everything and I am drinking - but I'm not drunk, okay?

• Sissy Emerson : What time is this Sugarbaker person getting here, anyway?

  Jennifer Malone : Well I'm sure any minute now, she must be running late.

  Sissy Emerson : Oh, of course she's running late, everybody says she's stupid. Or she's a lesbian. I forget which, she's either stupid or she's a lesbian... or she killed a man. No, you know, maybe that was somebody else. You know how it is, so many rumors.

  Natalie Hollingsworth : Yes, and so little time to check them all out.

• Sissy Emerson : I'm Sissy Emerson, and I'm applying for the job of press secretary. Or lint-picker or dog-walker, whatever you have open. I'm not proud, obviously, or I wouldn't be here!

• Suzanne Sugarbaker : We've got to return that "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" tape. We were looking at that the other night and that Jimmy Stewart is just as cute as a button!

  Sissy Emerson : Ha! Obviously you don't know that he used to whip those boys of his unmercifully.

  Jennifer Malone : I thought that was Bing Crosby.

  Sissy Emerson : Oh. Yeah, right. Oh then - oh, it was Jimmy Stewart that did not have any friends. Or maybe that was Martha Stewart.

  Natalie Hollingsworth : Yes sir, maybe that was Martha Washington!

  Sissy Emerson : She was a lesbian, right?

• Sissy Emerson : You know, it's becoming increasingly clear to me that we're not just some loosely banded together group of losers anymore. This feels bigger than that. I think we're all participating in some sort of cosmic Olympics and are now apparently all strapped down, spread eagle, no blindfold, on the big luge heading for Hell.

• Natalie Hollingsworth : There's at least 30 Congressmen calling for a full investigation and/or resignation, not to mention The Journal, The Times and The Post.

  Sissy Emerson : And don't forget, Penthouse wants to know if she has any wedding night videos.

  Suzanne Sugarbaker : Well, I'm sorry but I just don't see what the big deal is. I mean, it's not like I went out and whacked some ice skater on the knee!