Thirtysomething (TV Series)
Couples (1987)
Ken Olin: Michael Steadman
Quotes
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Michael Steadman : Is it my imagination, or do we all have, like, permanent hearing damage from the decibel level in Grandpop's house?
Melissa Steadman : [loudly, feigning deafness] What?
[Mike chuckles]
Melissa Steadman : Yeah. The only way to be heard was to talk louder than the person already talking, which was always somebody.
Michael Steadman : Family dinners; was there some law or something that somebody always had to end up crying?
Melissa Steadman : Yeah. Me. 'Cause your mother was always yelling at me.
Michael Steadman : No, your mother was always yelling at me.
Melissa Steadman : That's because you were always trying to sneak a peek at my mysterious breasts.
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Hope Murdoch Steadman : You would not believe what we witnessed tonight.
Michael Steadman : Oh, yeah. It was a lovely evening.
Hope Murdoch Steadman : No, Nancy and Elliot had this huge fight.
Melissa Steadman : I love fights. Anybody get hit?
Hope Murdoch Steadman : People should never argue. They should be nice. They should talk about golf scores and drink highballs. What was it about?
Michael Steadman : Oh, I think it was about the impossibility of having a life, marriage, and going out to dinner at overpriced restaurants.
Hope Murdoch Steadman : Why did he have to grab her?
Michael Steadman : He didn't grab her.
Hope Murdoch Steadman : He did grab her. He twisted her arm.
Michael Steadman : Oh! He did not twist her arm
Melissa Steadman : Guys, guys, get your stories straight. That doesn't sound like much of a fight. I can't believe you're home at 10:00. I could have had a date if I knew you were coming home at 10:00. If I knew someone who was available and not married or gay and who I even liked sort of just a little bit.
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Michael Steadman : Are you okay? You want to talk about it?
Hope Murdoch Steadman : What's there to talk about?
Michael Steadman : Admit it. You were totally freaked out by the naked display of raw emotion.
Hope Murdoch Steadman : And you, a Mediterranean Semitic person, found it invigorating?
Michael Steadman : No. Actually, I was totally freaked out by the naked display of raw emotion.
Hope Murdoch Steadman : I'm having a Presbyterian sleep reflex.
Michael Steadman : Every sign of conflict...
Hope Murdoch Steadman : [he pantomimes snoring] You bet. I'm going to sleep.
Melissa Steadman : [seeing them come in] What are you doing here?
Michael Steadman : We thought we'd go to our house, where we live.
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Michael Steadman : Oh, I can't do this anymore. It's driving me nuts.
Melissa Steadman : Tired, Michael? Tired of looking at 187 pairs of female breasts before and after augmentation surgery?
Michael Steadman : This takes all the mystery out of it.
Melissa Steadman : Yeah, you men are so weird. I mean, these poor women, they spend their entire adolescence totally upset because they're either too small or too big, then they go to surgeons to fix them all because guys like you think breasts are mysterious. They're not mysterious. They're for feeding babies.
Michael Steadman : Oh, is that what they're for?
Melissa Steadman : You know, I think it's really beautiful the way you guys are breastfeeding. You know, a lot of women can't breastfeed. Were you breastfed?
Michael Steadman : Of course not. That's why I think breasts are mysterious.
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Michael Steadman : Excuse me. I'm looking for a Mrs. Steadman.
Hope Murdoch Steadman : Yo, she's down at Elizabeth Arden having a facial.
Michael Steadman : [taking out a bouquet of flowers] Ah, that's too bad, 'cause she's not gonna get these.
Hope Murdoch Steadman : Oh, how pretty. For me?
Michael Steadman : No, I'm supposed to give 'em to Mrs. Steadman.
Hope Murdoch Steadman : I am.
Melissa Steadman : Oh, there you go. There's Jane Wyatt fixing the house, Robert Young brings home flowers, and... what was her name? Can I be Kitten?
Michael Steadman : Nah, you're Eddie Haskell.
Melissa Steadman : [sarcastic] Thanks.
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Hope Murdoch Steadman : Can we never fight, please?
Michael Steadman : We never do.
Hope Murdoch Steadman : I'm gonna take a shower and wash the sins of mankind off me, not to mention her breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 17 snacks.
Michael Steadman : Honey, listen. Listen, listen, listen. Come here. We don't need to fight because we have a great thing here.
Hope Murdoch Steadman : Do we have a happy marriage?
Michael Steadman : I think you're, like, not supposed to say it out loud.
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Elliot Weston : Yum, yum, yum. Soft-shell crab.
Nancy Krieger Weston : Ugh. I'm not gonna eat any animal where I have to eat its house, too.
Michael Steadman : Oh, $28 for scallops. You think that's expensive?
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Hope Murdoch Steadman : [relieving Melissa of her babysitting duties] How was she?
Melissa Steadman : Oh, we set each other's hair and talked about boys.
Michael Steadman : Set off a grenade?
Melissa Steadman : Yeah. Well, uh, we had a small battle of the wills. She won.
Michael Steadman : So, Melissa, did you read our diaries? Or did you try out our secret sexual paraphernalia?
Melissa Steadman : Isn't that what you're paying me for?
Michael Steadman : We're paying you?
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Michael Steadman : [Hope squashes a bug] Listen, I'll call the exterminators tomorrow. They'll spray the place with carcinogens.
Hope Murdoch Steadman : They'll come back with mutant strains.
Michael Steadman : So we'll spray again.
Hope Murdoch Steadman : And Janey will grow up stunted.
Michael Steadman : So we'll move.
Hope Murdoch Steadman : We can't afford to move.
Michael Steadman : We can't afford to live here. What's the difference?
Hope Murdoch Steadman : I hate everything, except Jane, 'cause she's perfect.
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Elliot Weston : Mike, what's the matter with you?
Michael Steadman : Nothing's the matter. I'm not allowed to be totally depressed?
Elliot Weston : Hell, no. If we're both totally depressed, who's gonna pretend to run the company?