Thirtysomething (TV Series)

The Parents Are Coming (1987)

Polly Draper: Ellyn Warren

Quotes 

• Hope Murdoch Steadman : I'm far more concerned with getting this death trap of a house baby-proofed so my daughter can survive long enough to say horrible things about me.

  Michael Steadman : See, we basically have two problems: baby-proofing and parent-proofing. I can get all the latches in the world, but how am I gonna find an acceptable sofa, new wallpaper for the dining room, and napkin rings by 6:00 tonight?

  [a though strikes him] 

  Michael Steadman : Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

  Ellyn Warren : What?

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : [Michael points to the ceiling]  The bathroom. Well, that's it. Then they can't come.

  Michael Steadman : That's it.

  Ellyn Warren : What? What are you talking about?

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : Oh, the other bathroom is all ripped up. We're putting in new fixtures. They're gonna have to stay in our bedroom.

  Michael Steadman : No way.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : You don't expect them to use the bathroom that has no plumbing.

  Michael Steadman : Honey, they can use our bathroom. What bathroom are we gonna use?

  Ellyn Warren : You guys, why don't they go to a hotel?

  [Hope and Michael roar with laughter] 

• Hope Murdoch Steadman : [handing a sharp knife to Ellyn]  Here, hide this.

  Ellyn Warren : The baby can't get up that high.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : Not from her, from me. I can't be trusted with sharp objects.

  Ellyn Warren : Uh-oh.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : I love my mother. I value her. I admire her. I am grateful beyond measure for the sacrifices she made and the guidance she gave me. Why is it I can't be in the same room with her for longer than ten minutes?

  Ellyn Warren : Ten minutes? What's your secret?

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : You are terrible. You are a bad person, and my mother is right. You're a bad influence on me.

  Ellyn Warren : Do you think she still hates me?

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : She never hated you.

  Ellyn Warren : Oh, right. That time your parents came back early from the shore and caught me letting Jeffrey Phelps get to second base. "Ellyn, is that the way you girls behave the minute my back is turned?" I wasn't even allowed over to your house for an entire month.

• Ellyn Warren : [trying to open a cabinet]  What is with this thing?

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : Oh.

  [opening it] 

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : I'm sorry. It's a latch.

  Ellyn Warren : Oh. What's it for?

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : Um, so Janey can't get in there, break the crystal vase, sever her femoral artery, and send her mother into cardiac arrest.

• Ellyn Warren : [Hope is not looking forward to her parents visiting]  It's never as bad as you think it's gonna be. I get along great with my mother.

  Hope Murdoch Steadman : You never even talk to your mother.

  Ellyn Warren : I called her last week. It's not my fault the line was busy.