Family Guy (TV Series)

Sibling Rivalry (2006)

Alex Borstein: Lois Griffin, Gym Teacher, Woman in Bed

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lois Griffin : [Lois and Peter wait for a pregnancy test]  God, I can't believe we weren't more careful. This probably happened that night we tried role playing.

  Lois Griffin : [flashback]  Oh, I need a spankin'. I'm a bad, bad girl.

  Peter Griffin : I'm a Paladin with 18 charisma and 97 hit points. I can use my helm of disintegration and do one D4 damage as my half-elf mage wields his plus-five holy avenger.

  Lois Griffin : Paladin's can't use the helm of disintegration.

  Peter Griffin : Oh. Then, I'm a black guuuuy.

• Lois Griffin : Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...

  Peter Griffin : Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant. We can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewie, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...

  Brian Griffin : Peter those aren't your kids, that's the Nick-at-Nite lineup.

  Peter Griffin : Blanka, Zangeif, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...

  Brian Griffin : That's Street Fighter.

  Peter Griffin : Red, blue, green.

  Brian Griffin : Those are colors.

• Lois Griffin : Do you think I'm fat?

  Waiter in restaurant : Only if you think I'm a serial killer.

  Lois Griffin : What?

  Waiter in restaurant : Nothing.

• Dr. Elmer Hartman : Well, Mrs. Griffin, you rest up for a few days and you'll be just fine.

  Lois Griffin : Thank you, doctor. I've realized now that eating is not the way to solve my problems. You hear that, Meg?

  Meg Griffin : For your information, mom, I don't eat to solve my problems. I cut myself. Is that better?

• Lois Griffin : Chris did you get your homework done?

  Chris Griffin : Yep.

  Lois Griffin : Chris, I know when you're lying to me, just like Santa Claus knows when you're sleeping.

  [short scene with Santa Claus] 

  Chris Griffin : No mom, I've got it all done. For my science homework I had to make a shoebox diarrhea of the evolution of man.

  Lois Griffin : You mean diorama.

  Chris Griffin : Ooo-oooohh.

• [after a night of sex] 

  Lois Griffin : Last night was amazing.

  Peter Griffin : It was, wasn't? Fat sex is the hottest sex we've ever had. There were so many boobs, I didn't know whose boobs I was grabbing, your boobs or my boobs.

• Peter Griffin : Now come here, my fat concubine.

  [shoves a slice of cake in Lois's mouth] 

  Lois Griffin : Peter, I'm not even hungry.

  Peter Griffin : I want you bigger! I want you fatter! It will please me.