Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

Future War (1999)

Bill Corbett: Crow T. Robot, Observer

Quotes 

• [while observing the lead actor of "Future War"] 

  Crow : Hey, it's Jean-Claude Van Damme!

  Mike Nelson : More like Jean-Claude Gosh Darn.

• Crow T. Robot : [as the cyborg crashes into the church from above]  It's SuperPope!

• Tom Servo : [as the spaceship comes into view on screen]  Wait! Another movie started!

  Mike Nelson : [identifies the ship which the front looks much like a dustbuster]  Dustbuster Galactica.

  Crow T. Robot : [summarizing the film]  Maybe this is an anthology of short, plotless movies.

• [Runaway is surrounded by cardboard boxes] 

  Crow T. Robot : He's "boxed" in!

  Mike Nelson : Yeah, well I'm card-"bored".

• Crow T. Robot : [during the opening credits]  I'm not even going to watch this credit, I'm just going to look away until it's gone.

• Sister Ann : Drive! Drive!

  Crow T. Robot : Look, how much more can I drive? There's no inherent quantity of driving that I can increase! Of course, if you want me to go faster, then you need to tell me that.

• [seeing the name "Andre Scruggs" in the opening credits] 

  Tom Servo : Ah, the French country singer.

  Crow T. Robot : Yeah, he's usually paired with Guillaume Tubbs.

• Mother Superior : Keep your eyes open. God always answers prayers...

  Crow T. Robot : But only from Catholics!

• Crow T. Robot : You know, I could point out that it's not the future, and there isn't a war, but you know me, I don't like to complain.

• [as Runaway and the cyborg fight] 

  Crow T. Robot : This is hard to watch because I care about them both so much.

  Mike Nelson : I care about the boxes. I mean, why should innocent freight have to suffer?

• Crow T. Robot : [Making fun of one of the obese characters]  I'll loan him some flesh.

• Crow T. Robot : [Runaway is making a grunting face surrounded by boxes]  Don't come in yet!

• Federal Agent : I apologize for this humiliation. It's my job.

  Runaway : I have a job, too. I'm a tool.

  Federal Agent : My life *is* my job.

  Runaway : Mine, too.

  Crow T. Robot : Okay, you both have interesting jobs! Don't fight about it!

• Crow T. Robot : This is a case where the parents should have *crushed* the child's dream of becoming a filmmaker.

• Crow T. Robot : [the hero is wearing a shirt with cut off sleeves]  My shirt sleeves are around here somewhere.