- Roseanne Conner: [Darlene's throwing away her catcher mitt and baseball because they're not considered girl things] These are girl things, Darlene as long as girls continue to use them.
- Becky Conner: I wonder what people did before television.
- Roseanne Conner: They made dolls out of corn cobs and stared at fire.
- Darlene Conner: Name one good thing that could come out of this whole mess!
- Roseanne Conner: Okay, I can name three. Becky, D.J., and what's that other kid's name? You know the kind of bratty one?
- Darlene Conner: Mom!
- Roseanne Conner: No, it's not Mom. It's... what is it?
- Darlene Conner: ...Darlene.
- Jackie Harris: So what's going on here?
- Roseanne Conner: Darlene got her period last night.
- Jackie Harris: Really? She's only 11.
- Roseanne Conner: I was 11 when I got my period.
- Jackie Harris: Yeah but you were already wearing a D cup.
- Roseanne Conner: Yeah, two of them.
- Roseanne Conner: I was up all night ghostbusting.
- Dan Conner: D.J. have a nightmare?
- Roseanne Conner: I don't know, I was too busy with Darlene.
- Jackie Harris: [about their periods] You were always so weird like you were looking forward to it.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, yeah. It was the one thing Mom had no control over.
- Dan Conner: I had this recurring dream in broad daylight. I had this mug with a little airplane design on it and every time I'd drink from it, the engine would start up and it would get closer. And I swear this is true, the propeller went up my nose.
- Roseanne Conner: You're scary.
- Jackie Harris: [about Darlene getting her period] Poor kid's just been sentenced to 35 years of monthly inconvenience.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, gee, Jackie, I only hope I can find a way to impart that enlightened viewpoint onto my daughter.
- D.J. Conner: [to Dan while wearing hairclips in his hair] Dad, how do I look?
- Dan Conner: Beautiful.
- D.J. Conner: Guys aren't supposed to look beautiful.
- Dan Conner: Damn beautiful.
- D.J. Conner: That's better.
- Roseanne Conner: [to Darlene] Now you get to be a part of the whole cycle of things.
- [Darlene scoffs]
- Roseanne Conner: You know, the moon and the water and the seasons. It's almost magical, Darlene and you should be really proud today 'cause this is the beginning of a lot of really wonderful things in your life.
- Darlene Conner: Yeah, cramps.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, I'll admit that's one of the highlights.
- Darlene Conner: [to Roseanne] I think after a good night's sleep, I'll feel better in the morning.
- Roseanne Conner: I don't know how to tell you this, but you ain't gonna feel better for about 40 years.