Daria (TV Series)

Arts 'n' Crass (1998)

Wendy Hoopes: Jane Lane, Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer, Quinn Morgendorffer

Quotes 

• Ms. Angela Li : [over the telephone]  Mrs Morgendorfer, I'm afraid I have some rather bad news. Your daughter Daria appears to have been involved in an act of vandalism.

  Helen : What?

  Ms. Angela Li : Mrs. Morgendoffer, your daughter collaborated with Jane Lane in the creation of a poster for our art contest.

  Helen : Yes, I'm aware of that.

  Ms. Angela Li : We found part of the poster unacceptable. So it was altered prior to it's entry. Unfortunatley someone defaced the poster while it was on display and since your daughter and Miss Lane were objecting to changing it, I must assume that they were the vandals. I'm going to have to take drastic action.

  Helen : Wait a moment. You're saying the girls were against changing the poster but entered it into the contest anyway?

  Ms. Angela Li : It was entered for them.

  Helen : I was under the impression that participation in this contest was voluntary.

  Ms. Angela Li : Yes, but your daughter refused to volunteer, so in her case I made it mandatory.

  Helen : All right Ms. Li, let me make sure I have this straight. You took my daughter's poster from her, altered its content, exhibited it against her will and are now threatening discipline because you claim she defaced her own property which you admit to stealing?

  Ms. Angela Li : That's not what I said at all!

  Helen : Ms. Li, are you familiar with the phrase, violation of civil liberties?

  [Ms. Li stammers in terror] 

  Helen : And the phrase - Big, fat lawsuit?

• Mr O'Neill : So you see, girls, I don't want to change the intent of the poster, I just want to make it more palatable. You know what they say: "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down."

  Jane : Not if you're diabetic.

• Jane : You're a real Joan of Arc, you know that?

  Daria : Yeah. And I think I just ordered a stake.

• Daria : What's wrong?

  Helen : Your father had a little business setback, dear. He lost a client.

  Jake Morgendorffer : "I got a great idea," he said. "A million dollar idea," he said. "Cigars for pets. What do you think?" he said. "I want you to be honest," he said. What the hell made me believe him?

• Daria : The systems failed us.

  Jane : The system sucks. Were going to have to go outside the system.

  Daria : You don't mean...

  Jane : Yes.

• Jane Lane : Can she do that?

  Daria Morgendorffer : No, this is all a bad dream brought on by too much pene a la pesto.

  Jane Lane : Do we have any recourse or anything? I mean, cant we talk to Mr. O'Neil

  Daria Morgendorffer : We could appeal to him, and he might turn the full force of his overwhelming personality to Ms. Li, and then she'd eat him.

  Jane Lane : Well, what about your mother?

  Daria Morgendorffer : How about yours?

  Jane Lane : My mother's a little preoccupied right now. She's tracking down the source of a disturbing heat variation in her kiln. But your mother is a lawyer.

  Daria Morgendorffer : Yeah, a mother that thinks it's a good idea for me to get involved in the poster contest...

  [sighs] 

  Daria Morgendorffer : The systems failed us...

  Jane Lane : The system sucks. We're going to have to go outside the system...

  Daria Morgendorffer : You don't mean...

  Jane Lane : Yes.

• Ms. Angela Li : Did you really think you would get away with this?

  Jane : Well, it would be stupid to say yes now.

• Trent Lane : All right, here's the plan. I'll sit right here with my foot on the accelerator, ready to burn rubber.

  Jane : Trent, pull over there and make sure to turn off the car in case you fall asleep.

  Trent Lane : Alternate plan. Cool.

• Jane : What does this have to do with our poster?

  Mr O'Neill : It changes a negative message into a positive one. She's not pretty because she starved herself into it; she's pretty because she takes care of herself! It's even more powerful than before, because it's upbeat!

  Jane : I see. She's not going to throw up anymore. But I might.

  Daria : Don't do that. It's downbeat.

• Jane : You know, nobody said the message had to be positive. I'm going to do something that really represents student life.

  Daria : Yes.

  Jane : And tell the truth about how much it can suck.

  Daria : Yes.

  Jane : To blow away the story-book fantasy about how great it is to be young.

  Daria : Yes.

  Jane : And you're going to help.

  Daria : No.

• Daria Morgendorffer : So then... Splat. Dinner ends up all over my dad's head.

  Jane Lane : Wow, excellent, your youthful integrity is tearing your family asunder.

• Mr. Timothy O'Neill : So you see, girls, I don't want to change the intent of your poster, I just want to make it more "palatable'. You know what they say, "A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down".

  Jane Lane : Not if you're diabetic.

• Jodie Abigail Landon : What are you guys doing here?

  Daria Morgendorffer : Observing.

  Jane Lane : Innocently.

  Jodie Abigail Landon : I can't believe what Ms. Li did to your poster... Wait a minute, what are you guys planning?

  Daria Morgendorffer : Get lost, Landon.

  Jane Lane : For your own good.

  Daria Morgendorffer : You've got a bright future, kid.

  Jane Lane : You don't wanna be here when what's gonna go down goes down.

• Daria : How about we call it, "America's Future Leaders," and we just enlarge a picture of Kevin and Brittany?

  Jane : Come on, that's too depressing. How about we call it, "Beauty is only Skin Deep," and we attach the actual skin of a student?

  Daria : Oh, I like that. I wonder if we can talk Quinn into donating hers?