- Dr. Sherman T. Potter: Excuse me Mike, but I spent too many years in the calvary not recognize the gentle thud of stable droppings.
- Father Francis Mulcahy: When you go to a movie, all you hear is the movie. I hear that and the people behind me making babies.
- Dr. Sherman T. Potter: Albert, the pains in your chest are in your head. Your constipation is also in your head, as well as your muscle spasms and psychositica. All of your problems are in your head. Now if you're not here just for the company and you really want my professional opinion, I suggest we amputate.