Futurama (TV Series)

Brannigan, Begin Again (1999)

Billy West: Philip J. Fry, Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg, Zapp Brannigan, Small Glurmo #1

Photos 

Quotes 

• Captain Zapp Brannigan : One day, a man has everything. Then the next day, he blows up a billion dollar space station. And then the next day, he has nothing. Makes you think, huh, Kipp?

  Kif Kroker : No, it doesn't.

• [Zapp Brannigan and Kif were fired from DOOP] 

  Leela : Zapp?

  Captain Zapp Brannigan : Leela, I didn't know where else to turn. You're the only woman who's ever loved me.

  Leela : I never loved you.

  Captain Zapp Brannigan : I mean physically.

  Leela : What do you want?

  Captain Zapp Brannigan : Just let me work for a little food. Perhaps I could paint a fence, or service you sexually, or mop the floor.

  Leela : You don't know how to do ANY of those things.

  Captain Zapp Brannigan : Kif might.

• Captain Zapp Brannigan : Here's to us poor schmoes, working for the man. Even if he is a hot, sexy female man.

• Captain Zapp Brannigan : It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot the one thing: rock crushes scissors.

  [Suddenly thoughtful] 

  Captain Zapp Brannigan : But paper covers rock. And scissors cuts paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper. And bring me a rock.

• Fry : DOOP? What's that?

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : It's like the United Nations from your time, Fry.

  Fry : Huh?

  Hermes Conrad : Or like the Federation in your Star Trek show.

  Fry : Oh, I see.

• Professor Hubert Farnsworth : I'd like everyone to meet our new employees!

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : [to Hermes]  Farnsworth: Which ones are new?

  Hermes Conrad : The green dude and the fat man.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : [looking at Bender]  I could swear I've never seen that robot before, either.

  Bender : I'm Bender, the lovable rascal!

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Oh yes, yes! My good friend, of course.

  [makes confused gesture] 

• Leela : What are we delivering?

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Something without which no ribbon-cutting ceremony could proceed: the ceremonial oversized scissors.

  Leela : We'll get them there as quickly as we can.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : All right, but don't run with them.

• Captain Zapp Brannigan : You know, boys, a good captain needs abilities like boldness, daring and a good velour uniform, and I'm not convinced Leela has ANY of those things.

• [Zapp mutinies against Leela] 

  Captain Zapp Brannigan : Leela, you may be a formidable do-er of the nasty, but I'm forced to relieve you of your post.

• Captain Zapp Brannigan : One day, a man has everything. Then the next day, he blows up a billion dollar space station. And then the next day, he has nothing. Makes you think, huh, Kif?

  Kif Kroker : No, it doesn't.

• Captain Zapp Brannigan : Back when I was captain, all I asked from my men was their complete loyalty. If I had that, then for all I cared they could sit around the whole day drinking beer in their underpants.

  Bender : Beer?

  Fry : Underpants?

• Captain Zapp Brannigan : I hate these filthy Neutrals, Kif. With enemies you know where they stand but with Neutrals, who knows? It sickens me.

• [Zapp Brannagin and Kif have been hired by Planet Express] 

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Who are the new people again?

  Hermes Conrad : Da' green dude and da' fat man.