Futurama (TV Series)

Put Your Head on My Shoulders (2000)

John DiMaggio: Bender, Sal, Transvestite

Quotes 

• Sal : Eeey, nice eyeball, eyeball.

  Leela : Nice ass, ass.

• [Bender is running a dating service] 

  Leela : How much?

  Bender : 500 bucks.

  Leela : Done.

  Bender : Is Zapp Brannigan okay?

  Leela : No.

  Bender : $600.

• Mechanic : I installed shock absorbing bumpers on your ass to minimize the chance of catastrofic butt failure.

  Bender : You, sir, have defaced a national treasure! I demand that you restore my buttocks to their former glory.

  Mechanic : Very well, but sooner or later, that ass is going to blow. And when it does, I pray you're not mooning someone you care about.

• Bender : Computer dating. It's like pimping, except you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head"

  Leela : Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic advice?

  Bender : Hey! Don't make me go upside your head!

• Bender : Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? Hmm. I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I -

  [cut to a judge banging his gavel] 

  Judge : $500 and time served.

  Bender : [Bender all of a sudden has a gold tooth]  Stupid anti-pimping laws. Well, pay the man!

  Fembot : Bender, honey, we love you.

  Bender : Shut up, baby, I know it!

• Bender : Congratulations, Fry, you snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich, she's probably got other characteristics...

  Leela : Bender! Romance isn't about money.

  Bender : Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor AND miserably lonely? Puh-lease!

  Leela : For your information, it's because he's hideous.

  Dr. Zoidberg : [Zoidberg sighs]  Awww.

• Fry : Bender, you gotta help me get a date for tonight.

  Bender : Well, my normal fee is $500, but seeing that it's for you, I'm gonna need it in advance.