Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

The Painted Hills (1993)

Kevin Murphy: Tom Servo, Harry Carey

Quotes 

• Narrator : There are other good aids for cleaning your skin. One of these is cleansing cream.

  Tom Servo : One of these is nitric acid. Choose wisely.

• Lin Taylor : Nevermind the dog, Tommy.

  Tom Servo : Here's the Sex Pistols.

• Tom Servo : I love movies where they slowly assemble the plot like this.

• Tom Servo : Kenny Rogers is Moses.

• Tom Servo : [as Jonathan]  Don't shoot my doppleganger!

• Tom Servo : [sung like Purple Haze]  Rutherford Hayes, all in my brain!

• Crow T. Robot : The old man never said that.

  Tom Servo : You can't flash back to something that never happened. That's not fair.

• Narrator : Wearing inappropriate clothes, like these shoes...

  Tom Servo : Is immoral.

• [Shep and Taylor get into a fight after Shep finds Jonathan's body. They end up fighting off screen when Taylor lets out a bloodcurdling scream. Then silence. Shep walks off alone] 

  Tom Servo : Snausages!

• [throughout the film, Joel and the Bots have been referring to the "crusty old evangelist" character as "Pile-On Pete", until they see the end credits] 

  Tom Servo : Oh, "Pilot Pete"!

• [Bald Eagle has just cured a poisoned Shep and tells Tommy something in a Native American language] 

  Tom Servo : [as Tommy]  That's outrageous! I want to see an itemized bill!

• Pete : The Lord be with you in all your labors.

  Crow T. Robot , Tom Servo , Joel Robinson : And also with you.

• [At the climax of the film, Taylor attempts to shoot Shep but finds that his gun has frozen to his hand] 

  Tom Servo : His gun turned into a Bomb Pop!

• Lin Taylor : Jonathan is dead, son.

  Joel Robinson : And I helped.

  Lin Taylor : He was working up in the canyon and he fell.

  Crow T. Robot : After I pushed him.

  Lin Taylor : It was an accident.

  Tom Servo : Shep told me to kill him.

  Lin Taylor : Two days ago, I found his body.

  Joel Robinson : And I laughed.

  Tommy : Shep?

  Tom Servo : Shep doesn't like you anymore, Tommy. She told me.

• Gypsy : Tonight on "The Advocates," our debate will be about the woman from today's short. Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot will argue over whether she's more attractive sloppy, or clean Representing sloppy will be Crow. Representing clean will be Servo. I will be your moderator. The outcome will be decided by Joel Robinson. I now turn the floor over to Crow.

  Crow T. Robot : Thank you Gypsy. I like her sloppy. While her well-groomed - in other words, square - classmates were listening to Pat Boone and Patti Page, she was at the local jazz club, groovin' to Miles, Monk, and Coltrane. While her classmates were struggling to make it through an issue of Reader's Digest, she was the only woman on campus who can freely quote Henry Miller. She may be sloppy, but she fits deeply into my idea of paradise. Thank You.

  Gypsy : Tom Servo,

  Tom Servo : Thank you, Gypsy. I like her clean, 'cause it just shows that she wants to change the system from within. Sure she's a seething cauldron of passion, but she wears clean underpants, and she knows where her shirt is in the morning. Call her what you will - a Scoop Jackson Democrat or a Jacob Javits Republican - either way, she's the stuff that dreams are made of. Thank you,

  Gypsy : And now Joel Robinson will render his verdict.

  Joel Robinson : Well, thank you, Gypsy. Uh, both of these issues are complex, and there are no easy answers, but Crow is right.

  Crow T. Robot : Woo-hoo! I'm right, I'm right!

  Tom Servo : Wait a minute, Joel! Now, the whole subject of cleanliness and grooming is very important to me, and I know a much more effective way to resolve this issue.

  Joel Robinson : Well, how's that?

  Tom Servo : A spitting contest!

  [Spits on Joel and he and Crow try to spit each other behind Gypsy] 

  Gypsy : Wait! wait! Hey, knock it off! Hey!