The Simpsons (TV Series)
The Wettest Stories Ever Told (2006)
Tress MacNeille: Dolph, Old Jewish Woman
Quotes
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Principal Skinner : [as Captain Bligh of the Bounty] Good morning, crew. Welcome to day 718 of our voyage. Today's announcements: first of all, in an effort to save water, you will no longer be given any water. And because of a drawing of myself having romantic congress with a merman...
[the crew laughs]
Principal Skinner : ...I am dumping all your mail from home into the sea. And I can assure you there were cookies in there. Good cookies. The kind only a loving mother or Milhouse's father could make.
Milhouse Van Houten : [hopeful] My father's alive?
Principal Skinner : No, he died while baking. It's all in the letter.
Jimbo Jones : I'm getting pretty tired of that seawad.
Dolph : This is nothing like the recruiting brochure.
[he holds up said brochure, with the picture of a sailor with two prostitutes under the title "British Navy - Less Scurvy, More Curvy"]
Dolph , Kearney , Jimbo Jones : Mmm
Kearney : Maybe that's what happens on the last day.
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Milhouse Van Houten : I wish we were back in Tahiti.
Principal Skinner : Why, yes, it was truly an unforgettable vacation. I order you to forget it.
[the kids groan]
Principal Skinner : And while you're working, I want to hear a sea shanty... in a round.
[the kids sing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" unenthusiastically]
Principal Skinner : [firing his pistol into the air] Rounder! I hear edges!
[whacking various kids with his sword]
Principal Skinner : You're off-key! Make that song your own! You don't sound like you've ever been on a boat in your life!
[he hears guns cocking]
Principal Skinner : What the...?
Bart Simpson : Captain, this is a mutiny.
Principal Skinner : [chuckling nervously] Let's not be hasty there. Uh, what if I introduce a suggestion box?
Dolph : We have a suggestion box. You made it from the head of the last guy who had a suggestion.
[the shot pans over to Martin's head hanging on a door, his mouth stuffed with scraps of paper]